I'm sorry you've endured such difficult, traumatic experiences

I used to expect that tarot telling me what was coming would make the impact less or easier to endure but that hasn't been the case at all. I hope we both heal.
Likewise, the Death card signals that something will end and change into something else for me. There have been times when it has signalled a welcome end to stagnancy for me.
How do you numerologically calculate which card your personal year corresponds to? It sounds like a fascinating exercise, and one I'd like to try.