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 Post subject: Re: Dirty Little Secrets...
Posted: Jan 8th, '17, 04:05    
Fire

Fire

Joined: May 31st, '09, 14:54
Posts: 5532
Hugs: 107955
Mood: O-sakura in Osaka! <3 <3 <3
Location: Wherever the wind takes me...
Exercise doesn't help.
Eating healthy doesn't help.
Being with friends doesn't help.
Being with family doesn't help.
Being alone doesn't help.
Eating comfort food doesn't help.
Drinking tea doesn't help.
Regulating my macro and micro nutrients doesn't help.
Traveling doesn't help.
Reading doesn't help.
Hiking doesn't help.
Song writing doesn't help.
Playing guitar doesn't help.
Doing the things I used to enjoy doesn't help.
Watching my favorite movies doesn't help.
Crying doesn't help.
Therapy doesn't help.
Pills don't help.
Smoking doesn't help.
Drinking doesn't help.
Nothing helps. Nothing is working.
I know things are really bad right now, but I need you. I need your help. Can you hold out just a bit longer?
Can I?


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 Post subject: Re: Dirty Little Secrets...
Posted: Jan 9th, '17, 02:38    
Fire

Fire

Joined: May 31st, '09, 14:54
Posts: 5532
Hugs: 107955
Mood: O-sakura in Osaka! <3 <3 <3
Location: Wherever the wind takes me...
Spoiler
My fiance and I are in a polyamorous relationship.
He needs it for our relationship to work, and is agrivated because I have not been participating and my insecurities and jealousy make it so he doesn't feel like his needs are being met.
I hate being poly. I'm insanely jealous. I feel abandoned. Our relationship feels lessened for it. I feel used. Like I'm his backup plan. I want to close our relationship again. It was never my idea. I thought I'd be okay, and I'm not.
We've talked. But he can't do a monogamous relationship. He feels like he's compromising enough by how much time and slack he's given me while I'm processing and adjusting. I feel like it's his way or the highway.
I can't do this anymore. I'm tired to crying myself to sleep alone.
He can't wait around anymore.
I can't lose him. I just can't.
This is all too much.
It's always one thing after another. Why can't I catch a break?


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 Post subject: Re: Dirty Little Secrets...
Posted: Jan 9th, '17, 02:43    
Fire

Fire

Joined: May 31st, '09, 14:54
Posts: 5532
Hugs: 107955
Mood: O-sakura in Osaka! <3 <3 <3
Location: Wherever the wind takes me...
My biggest secret is that I feel like I'm on the verge of another mental breakdown.
The last one almost killed me. Three different specialists who all said my brain was shutting down and they didn't know why or how to stop it, an emergency trip to the best hospital in the area, six months as a cripple, four months of constant seizures, and permanent damage to my memory.
I don't think I can go through that again.
But here I am, with no hope of professional help, with a marriage that's falling apart, unemployed, no savings left, about to fly to a foreign country where I don't speak the language and have non-paid employment commitments for room and board, and I'm on the verge of another.
I don't think I can go through this again.
I'd rather die...

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 Post subject: Re: Dirty Little Secrets...
Posted: Jan 12th, '17, 06:46    
Tatteredlion

Tatteredlion

Joined: Oct 19th, '16, 15:24
Posts: 87
Hugs: 1107
Mood: Defeated
Spoiler
Wonderful I'm having a great day. I have had a headache all day (borderline migraine, I do get them a lot) and I shouldn't be around anyone. I'm in a rotten mood..... I went and decided okay lets play a game. Killing things lowers stress right? It didn't... My headache got to the point where I wasn't remembering my rotation. The tank suddenly decided to do a big pull instead of the small pulls he had been doing. He died and then ripped into me for not using my ground aoe. Well up to that point he had only been pulling one to two enemies at a time. It surprised me and with this stupid headache I couldn't think to put the darned aoe down in time. Healer couldn't deal with the damage so the tank died. The tank rips into me for not putting the aoe circle down. I couldn't deal anymore. A few trash pulls until the last boss and I'm in tears. How did he expect me to stay? I was doing the most damage of everyone there. I almost took his aggro more than once..... How could he rip into me for not dpsing? I was and I was working hard... I left, if he had pulled I would have just stood there until they killed everything as you can't leave while in a fight. Doesn't matter if you aren't in the fight if the rest are you can't leave. I'm ashamed of myself for leaving but I was useless to everyone after that. I left and looked up the tank. I now know he's on my server. Great... Knowing my luck I will run into him. Or he'll trash my name. I can't deal with this.... Took me almost a full half an hour to get over it. The game gives you a half an hour penalty for leaving a duty so I know exactly how long it took. A good reminder to all sometimes the person isn't meaning to ruin your day by not doing a good job. Sometimes there's a reason behind the lack luster performance. It didn't help that the healer or other dps (not sure which one did it) rolled their eyes. I don't know if that was meant for me or for the tank but that didn't help either. I was mostly in tears because I left, not because of what he said. Though that certainly didn't help either.

Family problems still are happening. My "darling" sister who dumped the care of dad on me is trying to get one of his old girlfriends to come and look after him. Hm why exactly? Who knows. He doesn't want her here and we don't need her. She would cost way too much he can't afford it. My sister must think he has so much money. I wish I could move to another place. Maybe another province or another country. I can't... I want to so badly, to get away from everyone. I told my sister straight out that once I'm able to I will leave and I will not be in touch with any of them anymore. I'm sick and tired of their bull.

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 Post subject: Re: Dirty Little Secrets...
Posted: Jan 13th, '17, 15:04    
Tatteredlion

Tatteredlion

Joined: Oct 19th, '16, 15:24
Posts: 87
Hugs: 1107
Mood: Defeated
Spoiler
I've been waiting for a package for an item I had ordered a week ago. They finally shipped it out on Wed. Now I didn't pay for signature required but they put it on the shipment anyways. The lazy postal worker was running behind and didn't knock on the door. They just left a card saying pick up the package tomorrow after 1 from this post office. Now this post office is out of the way. It is the closest I'll give it that but there is no way to get there by bus from here without taking a bunch of buses. It's at the bottom of a very steep hill... Yay for me. I wish I could say that I can do that kind of walk but I can't. I have a bad knee and a bad hip.... It's times like this that I wish I had a car. Thanks (blank company) I appreciate the signature required... I live in a house with one other person, believe me when I say it wouldn't have gone missing.

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 Post subject: Re: Dirty Little Secrets...
Posted: Jan 13th, '17, 19:23    
saiyouri

saiyouri

Joined: Apr 28th, '10, 03:07
Posts: 2122
Hugs: 33509
Mood: Sleep & Winter where are you
Location: In the secret world of pajamas
my daughter calls in pain and i have no idea what to do.
she's taken pills on 3 seperate occassions that i know of tried to drive a car into a tree last night after school. i know her pain, i can feel her pain and i have no idea what i can do to help her. heal her. when the people around her are doing this to her and making things worse.

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 Post subject: Re: Dirty Little Secrets...
Posted: Jan 13th, '17, 22:18    
Moi

Moi

Joined: Jun 17th, '08, 21:48
Posts: 54000
Hugs: 412023
Mood: Know you're not alone.
Website: http://seppukuaddict.deviantart.com/
Location: \8u/

I've been having issues with depression lately.
It's not very bad, but it does get to me sometimes.
I feel worthless and everything I make is worthless.
I've wanted to update people about my health and such, but I feel like no one actually cares, so I keep it to myself.
I'm just some random nobody that doesn't matter in a world full of so many people.

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"I'll miss the winter
A world of fragile things
Look for me in the white forest
Hiding in a hollow tree (come find me)
I know you hear me,
I can taste it in your tears."
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 Post subject: Re: Dirty Little Secrets...
Posted: Jan 21st, '17, 04:38    
Tatteredlion

Tatteredlion

Joined: Oct 19th, '16, 15:24
Posts: 87
Hugs: 1107
Mood: Defeated
Spoiler
Why am I so tired? I wish I could blame lack of sleep and sometimes that's what it is. Last night I got about 8 hours of sleep and just ended up even more tired. I just have no energy for anything. What am I supposed to do? I actually have no inclination to do anything at all mostly because I'm exhausted. I know I'm depressed and that will make you tired but this tired? I just.... I don't know what's wrong and I get the feeling if I go to the doctor I'll just get either the it's all in your head, or pills shoved in my face. The depression is getting worse though, I feel so worthless... I put on an act every time I talk to people lately. Though I'm getting too tired to do that much anymore so I find being around people to be even more draining than normal. I can't talk to my family about it as my sisters won't understand and neither will my dad. I say something to my bestie (I wonder if he knows he's my best friend?) but all I get from him is a quiet I'm sorry. Which honestly I don't like hearing so I'd rather not say anything. So around everyone it's all just an act. I don't know how they'd react if I showed my true face. Would everyone run screaming? I am such a mess.... I feel like people don't care. No one cares... I'm just another ugly face in the crowd. On and on.... My potato... I mean computer has been acting up as well lately. I don't know what to do about it. I've exhausted everything I can think of short of taking it in somewhere. I can't afford that right now. Please computer don't die. *pleads*

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 Post subject: Re: Dirty Little Secrets...
Posted: Jan 23rd, '17, 21:19    
Sugoi

Sugoi

Joined: Sep 19th, '09, 22:42
Posts: 2551
Hugs: 50188
Location: Belgium
With one year delay, I'l graduate as a preschool teacher this year. I only need to finish 6 weeks internship (no problem) and my final theses. The last one is killing me. Seriously, I envy people who are good writers. I takes me an hour to write one page, after several hours of research, followed by constant changes because I write so many mistakes... I've spend hours and hours on this thing and it just makes me cry. It makes me feel so bad that my boyfriend said I should seek help from a psychologist. Of course, a lot of other things that make me feel bad but this is the one thing that's too much. Well, time to continue looking at this thesis and hoping it will write itself.

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 Post subject: Re: Dirty Little Secrets...
Posted: Jan 24th, '17, 12:37    
Kimiko

Kimiko

Joined: Oct 25th, '11, 14:55
Posts: 41
Hugs: 1884
My depression has been taking over of late... My chronic fatigue has been flaring up and I've been getting so behind in my work that it's making me even more stressed but there is nothing I can really do about it... I've probably taken on too much at once but I need the money for my family and for myself as at the moment I'm not really good for much else... I need to have some time just to myself to recover but that's never going to happen at this rate as I have a mountain of work to get through and a very demanding 2 year old that only goes to nursery one day a week because we can't afford to send her more... -_- I just don't know what to do anymore... I feel like such a failure...

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