I don't know.. I have huge dreams, very little support, very little understanding of the way the real world works, very little income.. I feel like my dreams can definitely come true if I have enough willpower and believe in myself. but I have wondered if maybe I'm not as strong as I want to believe I am.

I'm just now starting this journey, and don't know who I can rely on except for myself, and I will build my future brick by brick, each brick placed with my own hands or based on my grand plans. but 'm worried I'll become bull-headed about this and go about things the wrong way.

I get the feeling I need to find a balance between asking for help and being independent. I have to create emotional boundaries. I have to know who I can trust, what peoples' motives are, and make sure I have something to offer people in return.

I see the journey as a whole new adventure with obstacles and challenges and mysteries to solve and friends and enemies to meet and the destination is the life I have built for myself and all the continued maintenance of a well-oiled machine.

i don't believe i've ever pushed myself too hard. since i was small, people never had any confidence in me, and the way i was treated made me feel like hiding from people. it lead to me having a rather weak disposition and little inclination to do much physically.
i have a stronger mentality than i do physicality, but even then doing things consistently is very difficult for me. i think it mostly has to do with chronic ptsd as well as autism. i've always been emotionally weak, and nobody has ever relied on me, so i was never put into a position where i was forced to push myself past my limits.
i know for a fact that i have very short limits anyway. when i was working as a cashier, sometimes i would cry in the car on the way to work because i couldn't take the pain in my ankle anymore. i also had untreated severe depression, so, you know how it is. when you have physical disabilities piled on top of mental disabilities/illnesses, all compounding each other... it's hard to do anything.

kitestrings wrote:i don't believe i've ever pushed myself too hard. since i was small, people never had any confidence in me, and the way i was treated made me feel like hiding from people. it lead to me having a rather weak disposition and little inclination to do much physically.
i have a stronger mentality than i do physicality, but even then doing things consistently is very difficult for me. i think it mostly has to do with chronic ptsd as well as autism. i've always been emotionally weak, and nobody has ever relied on me, so i was never put into a position where i was forced to push myself past my limits.
i know for a fact that i have very short limits anyway. when i was working as a cashier, sometimes i would cry in the car on the way to work because i couldn't take the pain in my ankle anymore. i also had untreated severe depression, so, you know how it is. when you have physical disabilities piled on top of mental disabilities/illnesses, all compounding each other... it's hard to do anything.

For many years I had the habit of pushing myself hard to get through everything I needed to get done, be it at work or at home. I paid for that with a broken body and am now on disability from the Post Office.

Unfortunately I still have the knee jerk instinct to go ahead and do everything on my list on any given day. But now when I try that it breaks me down even more and finally I have learned to listen to my body when it is in pain so I don't end up even more crippled than I already am.

Sometimes I think that pushing too hard makes me unaware what is really important around me, so I try not to do it so that I can appreciate everything that I do at any moment. But I do that especially when I am too tired to think of something or when I do not want to deal with something. I find anything else that can occupy my mind and energy and blindly go for it. I never regret it, but sometimes I wish I had other ways of doing it that is maybe more healthy.

No one knows your body better than you do. Even if you think that you're okay, to others it might look like you're pushing yourself and vice versa. Just take a moment to think to yourself 'am I enjoying life living like this?' If the answer is no you need to start looking into why.