So, a bit of background information on my situation.

I was adopted as a newborn, and at the time, my mom was unknowingly pregnant with my younger brother. She and dad found out shortly after I was brought home, and then in March the following year (I was born in September, for reference), my brother was born three months premature. He is their biological child, and we are ~6 months apart in age.

I didn't see it so much (or maybe I don't remember because my memory sucks) as a kid, but as I hit middle and then high school (Ages 12-18), I noticed more and more that my folks seemed to be favoring my brother more. I was diagnosed with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder - Inattentive Type at a young age, and recently (As of January 31 of this year) diagnosed as Autistic. I struggled in school, except in a few classes that fit with my interests (I've always loved writing and drawing, and reading). I was never really an academic ace, the way my brother was (He was on the Dean's list in college for several semesters).

When he and I were in high school together (14-18 years of age), he began to get abusive with me, both verbally and physically. At one point, he punched me repeatedly on the arm, leaving a sizable bruise, after an onslaught of cruel names and statements. My mom, when she learned of the punching, told me I shouldn't have made my brother mad. It really sank in then that I wasn't the favorite child.

It was at that point that I went to the guidance counselor (one of my mom's bosses at the time), and wrote a letter asking about how to become an emancipated minor, because I was sick of being my brother's verbal and physical punching bag. The guidance counselor called my brother and my mother into the office, because she was concerned that if he was willing to do physical harm to me, that he would develop a pattern of doing it to other girls and women.

Fast forward a few years, and I've failed out of my first attempt at college (I wasn't ready for it, emotionally, to be perfectly honest, and didn't utilize resources I had access to), and my brother was making the Dean's List at his college. I worked for about six months at a casino, then moved back to my hometown, and shortly afterward, was enrolled in Job Corps. I graduated from there with commendations for behavior (Honor 4 phase, highest phase one could obtain at Job Corps).

Over the course of the next few years, I held one job, then got fired, then went to college, made it through a few semesters, then flunked out again, then got another job, moved out of the house to my own place closer to the job, worked for another company after quitting the first job in the city, then got fired, evicted, and was homeless for a point in time, before getting a job closer to home that was full time, moved back in with my parents, and was in my brother's wedding.

Two years ago, I started dating my amazingly awesome boyfriend (who has been such a great help, even if he's not entirely sure how to help sometimes). That year, at Thanksgiving, the night before I was to drive up to visit my boyfriend at his family's lake house, and I was chatting with friends who had become my primary support network (at the time, I wasn't in therapy yet, as I wasn't sure where to go to find help with that), and my brother put a password on the wifi here at the house, effectively cutting me off from my friends.

Things got ugly. I went into a full-blown cursing and vitrol-spewing fit and basically threatened to use my phone to get back on the internet with my friends and make my brother pay my parents back for the phone bill if he didn't fix things. His reasoning for doing what he did was that he felt I was "just using anxiety and depression as an excuse not to do anything". I had to show him all the "We have received your application" emails I had from the day before to prove that I wasn't just slacking off.

This was after he'd cornered me in the basement a couple years before and wouldn't let me leave even after I told him I'd changed my mind about wanting his help with something.

Earlier this year, my mom admitted that she may have been playing favorites, and in a mediated meeting with my therapist, she finally began to clue in that I'm not just being lazy or that I just don't want to do chores, but I don't think she quite 'gets' where I'm coming from on things.

And on top of all of this, my dad is an untreated alcoholic, who is steadily getting worse as time goes on.

I'm really sorry to hear of your situation; it sounds awful and I completely understand why you're feeling so trapped. I've not been in the same situation so I can't relate entirely but I do suffer from depression and my mother was an alcoholic while I was growing up so I understand it from a different perspective.

I'm not entirely sure how to help or assist, but I'm absolutely here if you ever want to talk to someone anonymous or by text rather than in person <3 Below is a list of things that might help with your brother; I'm not sure how applicable they are to you because it's more aimed at people with toxic partners but I hope you find some of it useful/helpful.
All the best

I know people do not like to hear this, but many parents play favorites. It's our natural inclination.

Let me explain. It's survival instinct to favorite the child (or children) most likely to be successful. When we get old, we will need someone to care for us. The most successful and responsible child is likely to end up with us.

Can it be an ugly thing? Yes. From what you said your parents were within the acceptable range of behaviors when the only real example was the punch story. Your mom may have been fed up and just not wanted to deal with it.

In my case, my mother beat me as a child and never beat my brother. She sang his praises and insulted me. That's toxic. That's unhealthy favoritism. When he turned into a crook and a druggie she tried to run back to me for love. I have not loved her since I was was about 6 years old. I shut her down quickly. She started sucking back up to my brother and picked out a child from each of us to focus on as well. At this point it's clear that she messed up and is desperately trying to recover.

Your father being an alcoholic is not toxic to you unless you are an addict. He needs love and support. Your story shows pretty clearly that your parents did care for you. My dad asked me when I'm moving out for my 18th birthday. My dad bought my sister a truck and braces. He starved and punched me. Your family is ridiculously normal! I feel for your parents. your brother sounds a bit spoiled, but he's a typical brother. I hit my little brother all of the time. He bit a chunk out of my arm. Again, your family is even better than normal... I would love to trade. You don't appreciate what you have.

Hello! I am sorry to hear this.. Life can be complicated and I don't really know how can I solve this situation as I was never in this kind of situation.

My best advice is this: don't forget that you are free. You are free to move to wherever you want, even without money. Help will always come and there are also jobs available.

And second: bless the good things you have in your life. Sometimes we are just too focus on what we don't have.

wolfcat87 wrote:I know people do not like to hear this, but many parents play favorites. It's our natural inclination.

Let me explain. It's survival instinct to favorite the child (or children) most likely to be successful. When we get old, we will need someone to care for us. The most successful and responsible child is likely to end up with us.

Can it be an ugly thing? Yes. From what you said your parents were within the acceptable range of behaviors when the only real example was the punch story. Your mom may have been fed up and just not wanted to deal with it.

In my case, my mother beat me as a child and never beat my brother. She sang his praises and insulted me. That's toxic. That's unhealthy favoritism. When he turned into a crook and a druggie she tried to run back to me for love. I have not loved her since I was was about 6 years old. I shut her down quickly. She started sucking back up to my brother and picked out a child from each of us to focus on as well. At this point it's clear that she messed up and is desperately trying to recover.

Your father being an alcoholic is not toxic to you unless you are an addict. He needs love and support. Your story shows pretty clearly that your parents did care for you. My dad asked me when I'm moving out for my 18th birthday. My dad bought my sister a truck and braces. He starved and punched me. Your family is ridiculously normal! I feel for your parents. your brother sounds a bit spoiled, but he's a typical brother. I hit my little brother all of the time. He bit a chunk out of my arm. Again, your family is even better than normal... I would love to trade. You don't appreciate what you have.

I'm really sorry all this is happening to you. Are you able to check and see if there is a DVIS in your area and if they can help you escape?