As humans, we can get scars from certain actions and occurrences in life.
I have scars all over my body from different times in my life.
However, I have a lot that can't be seen by the naked eye.
I have a lot of scars mentally and emotionally.
I would not say I had the worst life, but it did a lot of damage to my self-esteem and made me constantly question my worth in life.
No one really put their hands on me, but they did cause damage to my emotions and mentality.
People seem to think abuse is only done physically.
But it's NOT.
I have depression and an anxiety disorder.
I've come a long way in my life and I'm much better than I used to be, but certain things can never be forgotten and the scars remain.
When I was in school, I was too afraid to get up and go sharpen my pencil.
The thought of standing up and walking across the room and having peple look at me - terrified me.
It led to me using mechanical pencils always.
So I never had to get up and go sharpen my pencils.
When I was in school, I'd carry all my books and supplies in my backpack.
Every day, I'd carry a heavy backpack.
It got to the point where my teachers pulled me aside and told me to stop doing that because it was too heavy.
I was terrified of forgetting a book, and having to tell the teacher and walk out to get it.
So I crammed all my stuff in my bag and carried it on my back every day.
I got a backpack/suitcase that rolled once.
It was so heavy and I used it for a while, that the wheels wore down and wouldn't roll anymore.
Carrying all that stuff did do damage to my back.
But I was more afraid of having to announce my problem and walk out and come back than back damage.
The only time I'd risk being in front of others, was when I was in choir.
We went out of town, around town, etc to sing in front of crowds.
I HATED walking on stage and leaving, but I loved singing so much, that I did it.
I got my GED a few years ago, and I was happy.
My family literally forced me to go graduation and walk on stage.
I HATED it. I didn't want to do it. I still hate that I did it.
I hate certain things and I know some need me to be pushed, but doing that meant NOTHING to me.
I would have been given my diploma in person by the college.
I had no reason to sit in a crowd of people I didn't know, walk on stage in front of people I didn't know, say my future plans to people I don't know, forge to flip my tassel and feel like a dumbass to people I don't know, and sit through other speeches by and for people I don't know.
Now, I wouldn't have minded if I just had to listen to speeches from other people I didn't know, but I was so focused on being scared, that I didn't care.
I didn't want to go, I wish I didn't go, and I never want to do anything like that again >___>
I know I need to overcome things, but I also feel like I have the right to stay in my comfort zone, and being forced to do things I really don't want to is WRONG?????
I have scars from a lot of mental and emotional attacks.
People acting like I didn't exist, or was unimportant, or was trash, or was stupid, etc.
It's easy to say to ignore people when you're an adult, but it's not easy when you're a child.
Especially if it's the adults doing these things to you.
I'm an emotional person and I say things I don't mean when I'm upset, so I can be an asshole.
But I prefer to build people up than tear them down.
Having been torn down, I don't like it, I don't like doing it to others.
Do you have anything to share?
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