I feel you, I was terrified of getting a job, but also felt guilty about bf buying all the stuff for me and I couldn't really and... now that I have a job, I could buy him all the things he wanted for Christms, anniversary and what not and I'm happy as hell that I could buy all that X3 Especially he's having trouble with his current job and makes less than I do in the end.
I get it, I've been there, exactly same position. Are you looking for a job? And maybe you could find some therapist to help you work through that guilt, it's realy nothing good for you
*sends hungry vibes*