Kingdom of Knuffel

I feel like I'm being petty and greedy because I want more of my paternal grandmother's jewelry than what I'm getting when mom and dad pass (mom decided today was a good day to go over what to do when they're both gone).

The sibling and his wife are getting a good chunk of Grandma Esther's jewelry, whereas I'm getting mostly stuff from Mom's side of the family. and mom's thinking of making the sibling the one with Power of Attorney. the latter? I'm fine with. let him deal with all that entails.

I was really close to Grandma Esther. Closer than the sibling was.

Mom says since I'm already getting a bunch of Grandma Esther's stuff, it's only fair that the sibling and his wife get more of her jewelry.

A sewing machine, a coffee service set, and some of Grandma's costume jewelry. that's all I can think of off the top of my head that I have of hers.

I think your mom is trying to be fair, did you talk to her to see if you can trade out some things because this gran was closer to you? Maybe talk with your sibling? Maybe they aren't that attached to the pieces, but can you "trade" for other things in equal worth?

Maybe just ask that you get a chance to buy or take over pieces before anyone decides to sell them? I read that it's only a will that's being written now, I think it's good to think about these things in advance to not get unwanted fights over things, but do keep in mind that as long as nobody dies, these can still change over years...

I think talking about it might be your best bet now, but wouldn't make a huge fuss about it yet.

I also think your mom is trying to be fair.

I'm of the opinion that "fair" is not always the way to go.
I mean, yeah, you could divide the inheritance in two parts of equal economical value and that would be perfectly fair.
But perhaps there are other things you want (or not want) for other reasons (such as sentimental value or simply practical matters) so it makes perfect sense to distribute items in a different manner.

But people who are focused on fairness sometimes do not see it this way, because for them it's very important to divide things in a way that all the children get as much profit as the others.
I would suggest that you speak with all the parts involved and reach an agreement, but sometimes it's not easy - I know my brother & I did not get to convince our parents at all!

I think you should ask for more of your grandmothers jewelry and forfeit some of the items that was left for you to get the jewelry if that makes sense. I'm sure it's a hard situation to be in, it does seem to me your mother is trying to be fair. But I also don't see the harm in asking for more of her jewelry imo. Maybe try to feel them out?

Whatever you do, don't sleep on saving money for an attorney. My grandmother inherited a house and she let people walk all over her about it, ultimately allowing someone to steal her inheritance. My mom tried to get her to speak to a lawyer that she paid a 5,000.00 retainer for and my grandma was a no show. Stuff like this can get pretty icky quickly. I hope you're also taking breaks to be away from the drama from time to time.

It sounds like she's at least trying to be fair. More communication might be needed.