i feared of being hated by someone..... o i startet to fear other ppl

The reason I have had so many different jobs (in so many different fields) is because I'm terrified of failing, so I quit before I have a chance to disappoint myself by proving that I'm incapable of doing a job.

I have a serious case of depression and possibly bipolar.
I have several cuts, that are from 'pets' but in reality isn't.
No body knows...

When my father keeps bugging me about every little detail of my life (which sometimes gets to the point of "why did you laced up your shoes like that?!"), I end up in my room roaring and grabbing my arms until I've bruises.
I don't think anybody noticed so far, I make sure they don't ear me or see the bruises.

I fear of people I love dieing ... to the point that some times I cry alone at my room only thinking that what if it might happen (it has actually happen already) ... also I'm unable to cry infront of ppl (seriously ...) even when one of my friends died I was unable to cry ... only when I was alone in my room ... it makes me feel cruel... heartless... and really lonely

I've had severe depression since I was 16, and I haven't told anyone. I used to blame my cuts and bruises on my pets. I don't harm myself anymore, and I've been enjoying life a lot more than I used to, but I still feel pretty unhappy most of the time.

I want to start a family But I am not financially secure. >.<

I am so afraid that, come August, I'll be the only one who remembers my sister.