Kingdom of Knuffel

From The Book of Questions by Gregory Stock.

Question #23: While on a trip to another city, your spouse (or lover) meets and spends a night with an exciting stranger. Given that they will never meet again, and that you will not otherwise learn of the incident, would you want your partner to tell you about it? If roles were reversed, would you reveal what you had done?

Yeah, I wish this question was a little more specific. I'm picturing it being sleep together. But I don't know for sure if that's how he intended it.

I think your opinion is just as valid though. Because I feel like there are a lot of situations that I haven't been in but I can imagine/picture myself in. Like the switched at birth baby question!

This question is so hard, but I guess I wouldn't want to know.
I could be very possessive and jealous with my former crush. I couldn't help myself. Its not that I didn't support his happiness, but I guess I would feel like I wasn't enough for him, or he needed someone else to make him happy, if I found out he was with someone else, ESPECIALLY while we were dating. I might be afraid he'd do it again.

I loved him so much I never would have wanted to feel that way about him. I wouldn't want to distrust him, and question my own worth.

I already don't know if I can be with someone like him. He's too perfect.. He made me feel like I was dreaming and had reached heaven.

but if he had a fling with someone else.. I would feel like he wasn't taking me seriously.
It would just complicate the situation between he and I further.

I would so want to know. I would rather be with someone who is open about "hey, we're together, but I am also attracted to other people and here is how it plays out and let's talk about this so we can decide how we want to proceed and if this is a deal-breaker, etc" than with someone who would keep it all bottled up and maybe bring home a V.D. and never talk about it or what it might mean.
If they still want to be with me, or if it opened their eyes to a problem and they realize they want to break up, I don't care.
I want them to tell me.

But then, I am more about emotional fidelity than sexual fidelity, and I know that's not a typical response, so.... my opinion on this is probably fairly idiosyncratic.

Honestly, I'd prefer a phone call the night before saying, "Hey, I met someone here on this trip and I'm super attracted and I think I could have an amazing night of passion with them, but I don't want a relationship with them I want a relationship with you... how exclusive are we and will it destroy things if I pursue this just for tonight?"
And I'd probably say "Go for it, but use protection and get tested before being with me again, and I hope you have fun and make sure you're up front with whoever it is that you're emotionally committed elsewhere. Just don't share my private details with them, same as I won't ask you to share private details with me about them. Have fun, see you tomorrow."

A conversation about it later gets more complicated.

Talk to me first?
Yeah, great, our relationship is still strong and healthy as far as I'm concerned.
Talk to me later?
I'm going to start wondering what else you're not thinking through, and what other issues I won't know about until it comes up to bite me, and I'm going to lose some trust.
Talk to me never?
I guarantee we will not last. If not from this, from something else.

Question #23: While on a trip to another city, your spouse (or lover) meets and spends a night with an exciting stranger. Given that they will never meet again, and that you will not otherwise learn of the incident, would you want your partner to tell you about it? If roles were reversed, would you reveal what you had done?


Betraying my trust by having sex with someone else is a major deal breaker for me. Now if we had discussed it before hand, that we were both allowed to have one night stands, it wouldn't have been a problem.

I wouldn't do that. But if I ever had then I would tell them immediately. Lying just delays the inevitable. It would ruin the relationship.

light_sucks wrote:I wouldn't do that. But if I ever had then I would tell them immediately. Lying just delays the inevitable. It would ruin the relationship.

This. "Lying just delays the inevitable." Yes. You put it perfectly.

I am almost always all about that brutal honesty. Give it to me straight. I have no time for lies.

Yep.
I can understand a "I don't know how I'm feeling, things are confused, these are the elements I have identified so far..." sort of statement.
But a consistently false, "I'm fine." followed by an emotional breakdown/temper tantrum shortly thereafter? Nope. Not doing that.