Kingdom of Knuffel

I had huge anger problems when I was younger. Not in the sense that I would ever start a fight, but damn if someone would raise there voice or make a critic at me all hell would break loose.

Now my patience is god-level. I mean you have to be serioustly out of place and mean to stir a reaction from me and most of the times it's just raising my voice. I don't know if it counts for maturity, but I realized at one point that I'm not always right and that people are entitled to have different opinions than me, even if I don't understand them.
Everyone has there own reasons for believing something or acting in a certain way, so trying to change someone that is happy with the way they are or think is just non of my business anymore (even in the cases when I think they are dead wrong).

I found the way people change when grows up very interesting.

I have note how I have changed since kid, I was like I cry for everything... I was happy, then I cry... I was angry, I cry... But now... I'm happy I smile, and when I'm angry... well... I only have this serial killer looking eyes that scares everyone.
So I think I learn somehow to manage my feelings.

But not all the changes are good, I feel that I tolerate less now than before.

I had an opposite problem as a kid. I've never been angry. Always calm, always patient. Someone hurt me - I cried, I was sad, but not angry. Someone took advantage of me - sad, not angry. Or calm, not showing any emotion if it didn't hurt me too deeply. Contrary to my parents, and to my younger sister I got when I've been in my teens - always angry, shouting all the time.

In my late teens I've slowly started to get angry sometimes. Then it took me some time to get used to this emotion, to stop bottling it up and to actually show it to others, to show them they've done something really wrong. Now I'm much better at this, to the point I can even argue with my boss, if there's a valid reason. Though I don't show my anger every time I feel angry, and every time I should show it, to keep others at bay. On the other hand, lately I'm pretty stressed and too many things annoy me, so I think I need to manage my feelings a bit better...

As for smile, as a kid I've rarely been happy and I've never showed it, I didn't know how. So I've rarely smiled, always looking calm or sad. Then I've met my friend. He said to me I should really smile more. That it'd be much easier to talk with people that way. That I'll feel better that way. So I've tried to change. And I've managed to, gradually, after 5 years. And he was right. Now I'm so used to it, I'm smiling most of the time, unless I'm very, very angry or sad. If these emotions are only moderately strong, I'm still smiling. To the point some people at work started to ask what happend I'm so happy... But I do feel better that way, so I guess it's better.

well, my anger was a symptom of abuse. my parents are angry people, and they took it out on me and my brothers. because we didn't know how else to act, my brothers and i would lash out at each other in anger. we used to hit each other and scream at each other. i remember once, i got so angry at my little brother and i kept trying to scream over his voice, but his was deeper than mine and was drowning me out, so i grabbed a plastic ladle and started hitting him. it was pretty bad.

anger is a toxin that pollutes minds and relationships. i'm lucky enough now to have been able to work through my anger and many of my negative emotional habits. it took a long time of self-restraint and reflection to be able to temper my anger.

one of the ways i coped with overwhelming anger was by making power fantasy characters who were unstoppable and could hurt anybody on a whim. then, i wrote them in such a way that it showed how no matter how powerful they were, the things they did with their rage and power were damaging and terrible things to do to other people. it was a type of catharsis for me, i suppose.

i think most people don't realize that growing and changing are things you have to decide to do. after your brain is done developing (around age 25), it's up to you to change the way you think, behave, and hold yourself accountable. you'll usually need help, and that's okay, but in the end you're always your own responsibility.

When I was young I was very impatient and needy. Now I am older and I find patience to be fairly easy. I no longer need to have everything new, I just want adequate.