Kingdom of Knuffel

Anxiety is actually the worst. I have Bipolar II (aka Bipolar Depression) & generalized anxiety that manifests pretty bad in social anxiety.

I'm currently dropping out of my uni because I've tanked my GPA because, for some reason, after I miss a class due to being sick, I have too much anxiety to go back to that class. Ever. For the rest of the semester. It's horrible and stupid and I love to learn so I don't know why I do this.

Also I have trouble making connections to people because I assume everyone dislikes me to some degree, which is a real problem because I don't really have any friends and man does it get lonely.

Also, other random super specific story: I'm in a club I've been in since I started high school, and when I went to the first meeting when I was a first year at my uni I arrived an hour early (intentionally, and also because I stress a lot about being late) and cried in the bathroom for 20 minutes.

Other story: Recently dyed my hair blue as a result of an anxiety attack I had about not having control over my life. On the bright side, my hair looks pretty great haha.

I wish I had better English, so I could talk more about these things. I start that comment a few times and realize - I have so mush to say and not enough knowledge..

I write and then delete...

So, I will say just:

@Moi: You've explained it so well. Thank you!

@Knowhere: I'm always end up late no matter how hard I try. I feel bad and ashamed and the best thing I can do is not to go at all... / Half blue hair sounds great :)

PS Even leaving messages on the forums is not easy for me...

This.

Sorry in advance, like Murkka, my english isn't well.

I am 35 now. I worked since 2001 in my job but 2013 I became sick. Depression. Later I got diagnosed with anxious personality disorder, eating attacks and Depression. But I went back to work.
Last year, my depression got very bad and I had to go to the hospital again. Now I am at home, waiting for rehab - it starts on may 11th.
Today I got an appointment with my behavior therapist. There I learn about "the four agreements" for example. We don't do a lot of talking.

Yesterday I didn't wat to cook. You know, I wanted, but... what for? What is the use of it? Eating. Well, it is all stupid, I don't do anything. I needed 30 Minutes to stand up an prepare something for the oven.

I hate going shopping. And if someone calls, I rarely answer. (This was 2013 so bad, I didn't answer at all. Didn't call back. Didn't talk to other people.)

I have many thoughts about the upcoming rehab. About the people there, what they might think about me. Do they think I just am lazy? That isn't fun at all.

I don't believe I have anxiety or depression, so it can be difficult for me to relate in some ways. But I do know these are very real, and reading all these experiences and feelings do help me to understand... so thank you!!
It can get hard to talk about, but once I hear them, it opens my world a little more.

Knowhere: Yay for your hair though c: I want to try purple hair, but I love my black hair a lot uwu

Also, your English are both great, Addicay and Murkka :)

Ye. I've struggled with both anxiety and depression since I was a teen. Maybe even longer, honestly. I was a nervous and sad child. e_e