Kingdom of Knuffel

We all judge, daily. Even if you don't think you do. I'd be worried if you didn't. From judging someone's actions and behavior to things like crossing the street when the light is green or red. Most things we simply don't think of as judging.

But that's not what this is about. The question is: How do you judge? Are you the one who lets it be known loudly, carefully or you do the silent judging? Something else?

...I'm the "silently judging you" type. My judging isn't easy, even if it is the silent type, and I judge myself first and harder than anyone else.

Silent

Especially since I have a lifetime of experience to know that I'm not that great at judging others

I'm partly silent because rest of my family and relatives are pretty loud with their judging others, while they themselves seem to be unable to see their own faults and don't judge their own actions.

Oh, I judge aloud, because I am constantly changing my judgments as I get new information, and I like to test my judgments to make sure they aren't completely wrong... so I find the easiest way to figure out if I am remotely close or very off-base is by saying "This is what I think is happening; these are the conclusions I am drawing from that", and then listening to what people say in response. If they say something like "that sounds about right" then I can move on to thinking about something else. If they say "wait you are forgetting this factor over here!" then I know I have to adjust the judgment.

If that makes sense? I hope that makes sense.

Silent. This is because of my thought process, it's slow- I can't talk as I think. I take time not only to form a thought or judgement but also for the conversion to speech. So I'm pretty quiet in groups because someone else is always quicker to carry on the conversation while I'm still formulating what I'm trying to say.

Sometimes I'm even slower in that I spend time registering what's happening, then make a judgement, then formulate a response- so when my Knuffel said 'I wondered why the frisbee was getting bigger, and then it hit me' I was like 'IKR. #relatable'

So yeah. Pretty silent. But maybe I'm slow rather than silent because if I feel like something is wrong or against my principles, if I think it's hurtful, or something I feel strongly about I voice my judgements pretty earnestly.

I am a super duper judgy person. lol. though I try not to be an asshole about it.

But if people ask my opinion about something then they are gonna get it. Do not ask me my opinion if you do not want it. Or if you just want to hear what you want to hear. I will tell you the truth whether you like it or not.

my judging comes in weird layers.

1. initial judgment. the kind of judgment everyone does and can't avoid. based on first impressions.

2. i tell myself my previous judgment is probably wrong (because they tend to be negative) and that the person in question is probably nice or has reason to act the way they do, so then i force myself to try to be more understanding and patient.

3. more interaction with the person in question will validate either steps 1 or 2. this will be what i think of the person until i start really getting to know them.

4. if i end up interacting a lot with this person, most likely i'll come to a more nuanced assessment of them that includes bits of all the previous steps.

i treat everyone the same regardless of whether or not i have a good opinion of them, so it's pretty hard to tell whether or not i've judged someone. but man oh man, do i judge.