Kingdom of Knuffel

I can't ask questions because I don't know what it is that I don't understand. I never know until it pops up on a test or exam.

I hate myself and almost everything I hate about other people are things I hate about myself. I have no drive to do anything and I'm really depressed.

Based on track record, I don't expect my parents to attend my graduation ceremony.

The more I think about our relationship, the more I feel like I functioned as their brand name accessory throughout childhood. All awards and scholarships were bragging materials. Financial support? Yes, they provided lots of it even when I wasn't performing well. All other forms of support? Barely any. I cling onto the idea that it's just because they didn't know how. Because... why else would they continue supporting a failure at all? But every success is shot down. They won't attend the ceremony, just as they did not encourage me in my past endeavours.

A sense of dread overwhelms me before every phone conversation with them.

My fiance will be there. I don't really want to invite anyone else.

Making bad decisions is like my addiction or something. Like smoking or drugs or something similar. I can't stop making stupid choices.