Kingdom of Knuffel

February wrote:Yay, welcome Nikki! <3
My anxiety related to work environments/social anxiety has become pretty bad in the last month or so, I feel you on this issue. I also experience depression so you are fully welcome to talk about it here, I hope I can be understanding and help if possible <3
Venting is healthy! Today I have just been whining about everything to my friends But it's been helping with homesickness and dumb-brain-related jealousy. Been a low day but feeling a bit better this evening.
How has your holiday season been?

I'm glad to find more people who can relate My holiday season was actually great, as I had lots of time off work. I had to go back to work today, and I woke up and cried a lot about it, but pushed through and went anyway. I have lately been considering a medical stress leave, but I haven't made the decision yet.

I loved my time off and got to do lots of reading and work around the house that I wanted to get done, so that was good.

Oh, and I also have "mom issues" as I call them. So I totally get that. But, she lives in my basement suite, LoL So not much distance there but we give eachother our privacy.

Mem, I'm sorry about your relationship - sounds like it may be something you have been preparing for for awhile. I have also been there. Let us know how it goes

memoriam wrote:@Feb: Oh, definitely it will take some time to calm down. It took me a few years to try getting close to my mom again and feel safe(r) about it. I am still wary sometimes, when it comes to certain topics. After so many years I know my way around her moods, more or less

Spoiler

Well, I've been sensing something for a few months now, and I naturally grew distant myself. Then he caught on it and asked about it. I'm like "well, 8 years just passed by, I'd like to have more than just your words to prove you want to spend your life with me (as he's said before, many times), and so after so much time I'm wondering if there's something wrong with me that you STILL don't think of me as a wife material?" So he goes: "I have doubts, you get upset a lot, Idk if I can handle it". So then I told him he should really think on whether he even wants to be with me or not, because if something like this prevents him from proposing, then maybe he should find a girl with less anxiety and more control over her nerves. I've always been like that and despite my best efforts, I do get upset often, and sometimes about tiniest things. I think I might have a slight OCD or something. Anyways, I still think it's a very small kind of doubt after 8 years of relationship. It's like saying "I can't stand you, you're moody too much". Well, then you won't stand any woman, 'cause all bitches be moody, my man.
Oh, sorry, I already took it to Rant Town. I am quiet upset about it, you can imagine. The conversation was very calm, I'm glad it came out naturally and from his side. We both gave each other a few moments to gather our thoughts for response and no one yelled or cried. I mean, I cried a little, but it wasn't an ugly cry I feel I've told him everything I wanted that was on my chest for a while and then he went dead silent.
. . . #triggered
Anyways, he suggested we could live separately for a while to "warm our hearts" but I'm like... it's not gonna help. It's not like we don't love each other, it's not about the lack of flame or spark or whatever you call it. It's about stalling because of some petty doubts. I have doubts too, but I still know I want to be with him. There's always gonna be some doubt, so either we swallow it and get married anyway, or we hold onto it and we're scared of being legally official until the end of time.
So I told him, sure, we could live separately, but in my opinion it's not what we need and it will only break us up sooner, that's one. Two, rental agreements tend to be at least one year long, most commonly 2 years. If he'd find something for shorter, it would be more expensive. So half of his monthly savings would go to shit. Plus we have to count in the time of searching for a place, since from now on we're in a "we might break up" phase, until he makes up his mind. And three, I loyally warned him, if he goes down that path and after all that time finally decides he wants to be with me - Imma jump straight to making kids. I'm not getting any younger, he knew my expectations and mental deadlines, I already pushed them around to compromise
I had to point out to him that our "saving for apartment" should be on hold, because it makes no sense if we might split up anyways. He apparently didn't think about it and reluctantly agreed. For once I gave the argument of logic, not him, HA! #smallvictory

Okay, TL;DR. In a nutshell: turnes out we both have doubts, but I'm sure I want to be with him and he isn't so sure, so he's thinking about it and it doesn't help my stress, but at least I know what's going on now QwQ He promised he'll TRY to give me some answer after the New Year, soooo... I'll probably never hear from him about the matter until I "casually" mention it myself

I mean, come on, 8 years and no ring. I'm not high maintenance. I don't require disgustingly expensive ring and overwhelmingly huge wedding. Now he's sick to his stomach again, and I'm nursing him again because he's really stuck in bed and he dares to have doubts?! #triggered I wonder who would take care of him if he'd be renting some place else by himself and he got ill as suddenly as he did today. He's so not fair. I literally cry over him because he's suffering and he doesn't even know if he wants me as his wife. I wonder who'd take care of him if we weren't together. Because I'm pretty sure he'd pass out on his way to a pharmacy.
I really want to kick his ass sometimes, but I love this idiot too much QnQ

That's rough, Mem. I'm so sorry you are going through that right now. It sucks knowing exactly what you want and need from someone who doesn't quite seem to know exactly what it is they want or need at all.

I have been with my guy for almost 9 years now, and no ring - we did just buy a house together and are trying to have a baby though, so we both are in it for the long haul. He knows I want to get married and especially since buying the house he has been saying random comments about how we will be married some day and I told him I expect it sooner rather than later. (Hell, I'd be fine just getting engaged and then not having the actual wedding for another damn 5 years LoL)

Men are ... interesting. They are so very different from us in so many ways and I don't think they will ever truly understand the way we think, and we won't ever truly understand the way they think.

I feel like if he has been with you this long already, and you have expressed the wish for more, there has to be some kind of progression ... buying a place together, or having kids if that is what you want to do, and getting married if that is the plan. I don't particularly care what order it comes in, but I also want it all, so you are not alone in that respect.

I really hope the outcome is one that will be truly best for you and will make you happy ... lead yourself on the path you want to take.