Kingdom of Knuffel

i hate babies and toddlers. they just annoy me, you know? always drooling and fat and disgusting, and your supposed to always let them have their way, because your older...

I can't cry in front of other people anymore. I feel really sad, but I just can't cry. I feel like people hate me for it because they don't understand. I think crying makes me feel weak or something. I know that it's normal, I wish I could, but I can't.


Sometimes I feel like my Step Mom and Dad doesn't care for me much. I'm always choosen last. I feel like everytime I go to my dads house, I am being used for chores and watching my little brother. They don't do anything with me.


I wish I could talk to people better, face-to-face. I'm so shy and scared what people with think of me, so I don't say anything at all. I feel like people think I'm stuck up for not saying anything... I really want to, but I worry to much of what people will think. I hate attention.

I hate them. I hate them both. They need to go die, or at least go away and leave me alone. They're driving me crazy...

I got pregnant and my parents paid for me to have an abortion when I was 16. I'm 35 now and married and have 2 kids, but I still think about that baby and who she would be now and what she would look like and it haunts me. I spent most of my life suffering from depression and tried to kill myself (only halfheartedly...I really just wanted someone to notice and care and help me) several times in my 20's. I got pregnant with my son when I was 25 accidentally, and having him saved my life! There are times when I am touched so deeply by someone's circumstance, or words, or character, that I just want to hug them and tell them I love them so much and they are so amazing, even tho I don't know them at all...and I totally mean it! I had that feeling for everyone that posted on this thread as I was reading thru the posts...if I could hug each of you and tell you how amazing and lovely and precious you are I would! <3 IndgoMom

I have some really nasty scars on my arm from when I tried to kill myself about 3 1/2 years ago. I would overdose, get high, and cut. I don't do those things anymore but the scars are there permanently and people judge me by them. And people who knew me back then still make fun of me for it. But I can't do anything about it.

Sometimes I look in the mirror and think I look really pretty, and other times I look in the mirror and think I look really ugly. So I feel either conceited or pathetic.

My two favorite subjects to talk about are God and sex. It's very hard to find someone else who is comfortable with talking about both subjects.

When people slam religion, I just keep silent but it kinda tears me apart inside. I wouldn't be alive if it wasn't for what I believe which got me through depression and made me stop cutting. And it's the reason why I'm who I am today.

My parents divorced when I was a baby. Ever since then I go to my dad's on weekends and stay with mom on weekdays. Both my parents have found other partners.
My dad married this woman who is so super-clean and tidy and bossy and I hate it!
My mom married this man who is 20 years older than her!! He's almost a senior! They had a child and she drives me crazy!! But I feel very sorry for her.
She has got a strong personality and could have a very bright future. But if nurtured the wrong way she could turn out very nasty for all people around her. Now her father, he gives her anything she wants. She has become a spoiled brat. She has tantrums if anything happens that she doesn't like. She seeks attention and she'll do it even if it means hurting people or driving them crazy (me included). She thinks she can have anything she wants just by crying and being a brat, and I'm afraid of the shock she'll have when she discovers the truth. If she turns out miserable it's because of her father.

When I was 16 I met a guy I had been talking to online, only because my mom ordered me not to go. I told her I wouldn't, but I went anyway because I hated being bossed around, even if it was for my own good. Nothing bad happened. He said he just wanted to hang out with me, and that was actually all we did. He took me to the mall and I bought some video games, and we went back to his home and played them. After a few hours we went out to eat, and then he took me home.

Even though nothing happened, if my mom found out about this she wouldn't trust me anymore because I disobeyed her. Even though I'm an adult and know better now, she would go on and on about how stupid I was and how I could have gotten seriously hurt, raped, or killed.

It's always the same.
No matter what I do, it's always the same.
I'm fed up.
What have I ever done wrong?
...



So lonely...