Im trying!!! I am really trying!!

Why are mood swings messing with my head?

I'm bi, poly, furry, and married. My husband is also bi, poly and furry.

And we are sick and tired of having to hide it from family and friends because we know they're not going to take it the right way, or whatever else.

You know what? Screw you, family members! We know tons of crap you've done that was WORSE. And we don't look down on you for that! But you look down on us for not wanting kids, what the hell are we to expect when we want to tell you anything else?!

I'm tired of being able to talk about it to strangers online, but I can't talk about it to the people that have been in my life for years!

Last night was a mess. I do nothing but screw everything up.

I got into an argument with my mom about racism and how it's wrong, then my sister yelled at me for yelling at my mom. So I talked to a friend about it and he made me feel worse. He basically told me that I need to learn to be quiet and deal with it because I am rude. So naturally I'm even more upset now. So I sat with it for a while until I couldn't handle it anymore. Eventually I wound up throwing away all the progress I made on self-injury recovery these past 4 or 5 weeks because I went to town on my arm with a razor. I felt a different kind of upset now. Not angry anymore, just disappointed. Then I talked to that same friend, and I told him I cut and he got mad at me and basically told me all I do is make excuses and blame others and never take any responsibility for myself. He basically said he's tired of my bullshit and signed off.

Then to make things worse, I got into another fight with my sister because I didn't get off the couch fast enough. She said I'm so ungrateful for everything.

I just want to cut again. Already screwed up my streak, so whatever.

I'm afraid that since she's dumped me I've gone back to my old, very obsessive self. Can't stop thinking about her can't stop imagining us together can't get her out of my mind. It's just like before... I don't want to go through this again, it lasted three whole years last time.

I have to say I have to disagree with you on one of view but I also understand the philosophy.

I'm really dreading celebrating my birthday this year without him it's the 1st time in 4-5 years