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Post subject: Re: Vertigo {Tinker Bell & Ambarsariya} Posted: May 6th, '17, 06:03 |
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Tinker Bell
Joined: Apr 15th, '17, 06:17
Posts: 279
Hugs: 7757
Mood: Content
Location: New York State
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Tae heard someone walking closer and hid his face behind his legs. He couldn't face any of his hyungs now. Not like this. He wanted them to ignore him, he didn't want to appear weaker than he felt.
Whoever it was stopped in front of him and Tae could head them crouch down. He flinched at the hands touching his face, trying to fight being made to face his hyung. Not that it was any good. He was forced to look up and saw Lain staring at him. He felt his heart squeeze painfully, terrified that his hyung was just going to hell at him.
He waited for that, for Lain to tell him again that it was all his fault. Maybe even call him useless, like his own mind was telling him. What happened next wasn't in the realm of possibility. Not any that Tae conjured up anyway.
Lain was kissing him. He stole Tae's first kiss. And he knew it too. A quiet scared sound escaped him before he gripped at Lain's shoulders and tried to push him away. He didn't want this! However, he couldn't pull away. Lain was holding his face and he had pressed himself against the wall. Finally he thought of turning his head. He did so quickly and broke the kiss. He quickly shut his tear-filled eyes. Not wanting to cry because of this, but feeling like there was nothing else he could do.
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You know that place between sleep and awake? The place you can still remember dreaming? That's where I'll always love you, Peter Pan. That's where I'll be waiting.
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Post subject: Re: Vertigo {Tinker Bell & Ambarsariya} Posted: May 8th, '17, 09:10 |
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Dearest
Joined: Feb 6th, '15, 19:16
Posts: 6177
Hugs: 134665
Mood: spiritual
Location: a remote internet isle
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As Lain had expected, Tae broke the kiss first. But instead of slapping him or yelling at him for what he'd done, he turned away to hide tears. A brief burst of anger that he still wouldn't remonstrate flashed and receded, leaving Lain with his insides curdling with shame, guilt, remorse... and god knew what else.
What he'd done was messed up. Messed up!
He still had Tae's face cupped in his hands. He saw tears squeeze themselves out from beneath Tae's eyelids and he didn't know what to say or do...
He kissed the tears away. With a lot more gentleness this time.
And enfolded Tae in a hug. "I'm sorry," he said with difficulty. He couldn't look at Tae, he shut his eyes tight as he spoke. "What I just did... was messed up." He swallowed and continued quickly before he'd lose the courage to, "I'll make it up to you. Since you can't protect yourself... I'll always protect you from now on. No matter what." He had no right anymore to think about the consequences for himself, if he kept such a promise. "I-
I've hurt you the most, but I won't ever again, and I won't let anyone hurt you, ever."
Tae might never forgive him, never trust him again.
But he still couldn't lose Tae, because Tae didn't deserve any of this, and he couldn't bear it if he couldn't pay for it somehow.
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Stroctoperry wrote:Because KofK trumps homework, for some reason.
Death Candy wrote:I just realized that "take out" means food, dating, and murder. And if you were a female praying mantis you'd have all three.
Akili Li wrote:People talk about bravery in these super dramatic terms like it only applies to soldiers going to war, but for all that I think true courage is found in the hard every day moments of social interaction and standing up for what you believe in even when it's not life-or-death, when it's instead a matter of approval-or-ostracization among people whose opinions you care about. That's harder, to my mind. That's an ongoing, you have to live with it forever thing, instead of one single moment that's the exception instead of the rule.
AsheSkyler wrote:Bless the modern era's availability of so much art and creativity. [...]our ability to connect and share such wonderful things makes it a good time to be alive. 
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Post subject: Re: Vertigo {Tinker Bell & Ambarsariya} Posted: May 8th, '17, 14:28 |
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Tinker Bell
Joined: Apr 15th, '17, 06:17
Posts: 279
Hugs: 7757
Mood: Content
Location: New York State
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Lain didn't move away. He felt him kiss the tears that escaped and tried to push him away again. He wanted Lain to go away. He didn't want to deal with this right now. Lain started to hug him and Tae thought it might be better to just let him do what he wanted right now. Then he apologized.
Tae might have started to feel okay. Except Lain kept talking. Now it was Tae's turn to feel angry. Which was hard for him because he'd never felt this angry before. Not towards Lain. Is that really how he saw Tae? As someone who couldn't do anything for themselves? He wasn't useless! It wasn't his fault the others tended to ignore him when he spoke. Or not believe him.
He used all of his strength and managed to shove Lain away from him. He didn't need to be treated like a child. "Leave me alone." His voice was quiet, he didn't want Lain to hear how much his words had hurt him. He didn't want Lain to do those things because he felt bad for what he'd done. Then it was just to help himself and not Tae.
"Leave me alone." He repeated the words, his voice giving away how angry the words had made him. Maybe even a bit of the hurt. He'd never spoken to Lain like that, but right now he didn't care.
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You know that place between sleep and awake? The place you can still remember dreaming? That's where I'll always love you, Peter Pan. That's where I'll be waiting.
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Post subject: Re: Vertigo {Tinker Bell & Ambarsariya} Posted: May 11th, '17, 14:03 |
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Dearest
Joined: Feb 6th, '15, 19:16
Posts: 6177
Hugs: 134665
Mood: spiritual
Location: a remote internet isle
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"Leave me alone."
For the first time, Tae sounded commanding to Lain. Firm. Harsh, even.
"Leave me alone." Lain had never heard Tae sound like that... he felt like he'd been stabbed in the sternum with an icicle. Chilling, then numb.
He got to his feet slowly, surprised his legs were holding him up, because he couldn't feel them. He took an uncertain step back, then another.
"Come on, we're leaving for the dorm."
Lain practically jumped out of this skin. "W-what?"
"The van is here," said Ju-Kan. Then he looked from Lain's face, wide-eyed and tear-stained, to Tae in the corner, and his lips set in a grim line. He gripped Lain's shoulder for a moment as if to say, I know it's hard, but you're doing the right thing, and it made the bile rise up in Lain's throat at the thought of what the leader's reaction would be if he knew the truth.
"Ok. Then I'll come with you," said Lain and held Ju-Kan's sleeve between fingers. The leader put a supportive arm around his shoulders. "Coming, Tae?" called Ju-Kan before they left the room.
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Stroctoperry wrote:Because KofK trumps homework, for some reason.
Death Candy wrote:I just realized that "take out" means food, dating, and murder. And if you were a female praying mantis you'd have all three.
Akili Li wrote:People talk about bravery in these super dramatic terms like it only applies to soldiers going to war, but for all that I think true courage is found in the hard every day moments of social interaction and standing up for what you believe in even when it's not life-or-death, when it's instead a matter of approval-or-ostracization among people whose opinions you care about. That's harder, to my mind. That's an ongoing, you have to live with it forever thing, instead of one single moment that's the exception instead of the rule.
AsheSkyler wrote:Bless the modern era's availability of so much art and creativity. [...]our ability to connect and share such wonderful things makes it a good time to be alive.
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Post subject: Re: Vertigo {Tinker Bell & Ambarsariya} Posted: May 11th, '17, 14:16 |
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Tinker Bell
Joined: Apr 15th, '17, 06:17
Posts: 279
Hugs: 7757
Mood: Content
Location: New York State
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Lain was getting up, moving away. Tae had no idea how he felt. Sick, mostly. The knot in his stomach was proof enough. He couldn't identify what other emotions were rolling around inside of him, though.
He could hear Ju-Kan's voice, but couldn't make out what he was saying. Did he even want to? He had no idea what was going on, probably no idea what just happened. Tae wanted to cry because he felt so alone. It wasn't like he could talk to Ju-Kan, he misunderstood the whole situation, or Haneul, he'd probably just laugh at Tae.
He heard his name and looked up to see the others all leaving. If he stayed here, would they even care? Tae didn't want to worry them or get in trouble, though.
Shakily he stood up, arms wrapped protectively around himself. He followed the others out of the room and towards the van, feeling numb for the moment. He didn't want to cry in front of his hyungs, so if felt like his emotions turned off until he could be safe.
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You know that place between sleep and awake? The place you can still remember dreaming? That's where I'll always love you, Peter Pan. That's where I'll be waiting.
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Post subject: Re: Vertigo {Tinker Bell & Ambarsariya} Posted: May 12th, '17, 12:24 |
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Dearest
Joined: Feb 6th, '15, 19:16
Posts: 6177
Hugs: 134665
Mood: spiritual
Location: a remote internet isle
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Ju-Kan led Lain to the van. The manager was shotgun as always. Ju-Kan got into the front passenger seat where Haneul was already seated. Lain stood for a moment, exhaling mist into the chilly night air, and got into the back seat, wishing he had another choice.
He balled his fists on his lap. Tae did not seem like he was okay. Lain's desire to do something about it was almost an impulse, but he knew Tae did not want him to. Whatever he might say or do would only make things worse. He hoped Ju-Kan would keep an eye out and help him.
Lain shut his eyes and leaned back in the seat, but everything he was feeling was on the inside and he couldn't shut it out.
If only he could turn back time.
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Stroctoperry wrote:Because KofK trumps homework, for some reason.
Death Candy wrote:I just realized that "take out" means food, dating, and murder. And if you were a female praying mantis you'd have all three.
Akili Li wrote:People talk about bravery in these super dramatic terms like it only applies to soldiers going to war, but for all that I think true courage is found in the hard every day moments of social interaction and standing up for what you believe in even when it's not life-or-death, when it's instead a matter of approval-or-ostracization among people whose opinions you care about. That's harder, to my mind. That's an ongoing, you have to live with it forever thing, instead of one single moment that's the exception instead of the rule.
AsheSkyler wrote:Bless the modern era's availability of so much art and creativity. [...]our ability to connect and share such wonderful things makes it a good time to be alive.
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Post subject: Re: Vertigo {Tinker Bell & Ambarsariya} Posted: May 12th, '17, 13:09 |
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Tinker Bell
Joined: Apr 15th, '17, 06:17
Posts: 279
Hugs: 7757
Mood: Content
Location: New York State
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Tae was in the back with Lain again. Although this time it felt like he was stuck there. He got in and curled up onto the seat as usual. His legs pulled a bit tighter to his chest as he tried to ignore everything.
He buried his face behind his knees as a few tears slipped down his cheeks. He kept telling himself that he couldn't cry, but that was hard to do. Everything felt all messed up and usually he went to Lain if he was feeling like this.
Obviously that wasn't possible right now. Not after what Lain did. Not after Tae realized he saw him as weak and helpless. Did that mean the others saw him that way too? Tae wanted to believe not, but he doubted that.
The van was moving. Soon they would be at the dorm and Tae could avoid Lain one way or another.
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You know that place between sleep and awake? The place you can still remember dreaming? That's where I'll always love you, Peter Pan. That's where I'll be waiting.
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Post subject: Re: Vertigo {Tinker Bell & Ambarsariya} Posted: May 13th, '17, 12:54 |
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Dearest
Joined: Feb 6th, '15, 19:16
Posts: 6177
Hugs: 134665
Mood: spiritual
Location: a remote internet isle
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The ride back to the dorm was tortuous. Lain couldn't stop sensing Tae next to him, and even though he had pulled his knees up into his usual position, Lain couldn't stop feeling like everything had gone terribly wrong and that he couldn't comfort Tae through it. That was the worst, that he was the only one who knew what was wrong, because he had caused it, but there was nothing he could do to fix it. It didn't help that Ju-Kan kept glancing from him to Tae in the rearview mirror.
Finally, they arrived at the dorm. Lain wrenched the door open and got out quickly, but it didn't help the claustrophobic feeling tightening his throat. Ju-Kan opened the door for Tae, and Lain saw him rubbing his back and felt a bit better that the leader, at least, would look out for him. Although he couldn't hear what he said to Tae (he was murmuring close to Tae's ear, "It's for the best. It'll get better with time").
Lain took off his coat and flopped onto the couch in the living room. He was going to delay going to his room as much as possible, and try to go only once Tae was already asleep.
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Stroctoperry wrote:Because KofK trumps homework, for some reason.
Death Candy wrote:I just realized that "take out" means food, dating, and murder. And if you were a female praying mantis you'd have all three.
Akili Li wrote:People talk about bravery in these super dramatic terms like it only applies to soldiers going to war, but for all that I think true courage is found in the hard every day moments of social interaction and standing up for what you believe in even when it's not life-or-death, when it's instead a matter of approval-or-ostracization among people whose opinions you care about. That's harder, to my mind. That's an ongoing, you have to live with it forever thing, instead of one single moment that's the exception instead of the rule.
AsheSkyler wrote:Bless the modern era's availability of so much art and creativity. [...]our ability to connect and share such wonderful things makes it a good time to be alive.
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Post subject: Re: Vertigo {Tinker Bell & Ambarsariya} Posted: May 13th, '17, 13:12 |
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Tinker Bell
Joined: Apr 15th, '17, 06:17
Posts: 279
Hugs: 7757
Mood: Content
Location: New York State
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Tae barely noticed that they had arrived. His only clue was that Lain had opened the door and got out fast. He didn't want to move. He just wanted to stay here until he died.
He only got out because Ju-Kan was there. He knew that he didn't understand what was really wrong, but at least he was trying. He mumbled an almost inaudible "thank you, hyung" before going to take a quick shower. Most of the time spent scrubbing the makeup from his face. Everything had happened so fast that he didn't get to do that.
He went to his and Lain's room, glad the other wasn't there. Curling up under the blankets, pulling them over his head, he finally started to cry. He tried to be quiet, but if someone stood outside the door, they'd be able to hear him.
Everything was wrong. Everything was his fault. And now he had no idea how to fix it.
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You know that place between sleep and awake? The place you can still remember dreaming? That's where I'll always love you, Peter Pan. That's where I'll be waiting.
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Post subject: Re: Vertigo {Tinker Bell & Ambarsariya} Posted: May 13th, '17, 16:49 |
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Dearest
Joined: Feb 6th, '15, 19:16
Posts: 6177
Hugs: 134665
Mood: spiritual
Location: a remote internet isle
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Tae passed Lain while he was lolled on the couch, and headed straight for the washroom. Lain was glad not to have been noticed. Ju-Kan announced he was Skyping with his parents and went to his room. Haneul joined him in the living room, sinking into one of the single couches.
"You guys shouldn't take it so hard," he said unexpectedly.
"Well why the heck did you record that shit?"
"Because of- ever since that stylist's video, I'm not topping Ju-Kan anymore," said Haneul in a depressed tone. Lain remembered- Hyung, hit me more! I've been a bad boy! and he had to laugh, even though he'd never been less in the mood for laughter in his life.
He heard Tae go into their room and waited a bit, making digs at Haneul for the rare vengeful satisfaction of it. When he thought he'd waited enough- he thought Tae would straight to bed to avoid interaction, and pretend to sleep even if he wasn't really- he followed, but stopped when his hand was on the doorknob.
He could hear Tae cry.
Everything inside him seized up.
He went to Ju-Kan's room and knocked lightly, entering before he got a response. Ju-Kan had headphones and mic on in front of his laptop.
"I'm sorry for the disturbance," said Lain, "but could you check up on Tae after your call? I can't do anything for him, I have to rely on you, hyung."
He went back to the living room. He'd sleep on the couch tonight.
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Stroctoperry wrote:Because KofK trumps homework, for some reason.
Death Candy wrote:I just realized that "take out" means food, dating, and murder. And if you were a female praying mantis you'd have all three.
Akili Li wrote:People talk about bravery in these super dramatic terms like it only applies to soldiers going to war, but for all that I think true courage is found in the hard every day moments of social interaction and standing up for what you believe in even when it's not life-or-death, when it's instead a matter of approval-or-ostracization among people whose opinions you care about. That's harder, to my mind. That's an ongoing, you have to live with it forever thing, instead of one single moment that's the exception instead of the rule.
AsheSkyler wrote:Bless the modern era's availability of so much art and creativity. [...]our ability to connect and share such wonderful things makes it a good time to be alive.
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[ 186 posts ] |
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