Re: Dirty Little Secrets...
Posted: Aug 6th, '09, 23:28
I was anorexic when I was 12, attempted suicide 3 times at age 13-15, & I cut myself since last year.
[But I haven't done it in almost a month]
Every time I'm on the verge of tears, I pinch myself hard or pull my hair while pretending to scratch the back of my head so I won't cry in front of people.
Not alot of stuff has happened to me in my life & I thank God for it but sometimes I wish bad things did happened because I want to feel empty for a reason.
[Pretty dumb, I know. But it's true]
I'm afraid to love because I've seen what it can do to people.
I hate it when people have high hopes for me or say they know I can do better than that [which I can] but I end up dissapointing them because of it. If people would just not tell me anything, then I'd do better.
Some days I just feel like sitting on my hammock, listen to music, & stay there for the rest of my life until I die because I know I won't sum up to anything.
So why not spend the rest of my days doing nothing?
I often see things that aren't really there. I've only told one person that offline and he was the only one who knew how to comfort me. But now he's gone, and I've never been more afraid in my life than I am now.
[But I haven't done it in almost a month]
Every time I'm on the verge of tears, I pinch myself hard or pull my hair while pretending to scratch the back of my head so I won't cry in front of people.
Not alot of stuff has happened to me in my life & I thank God for it but sometimes I wish bad things did happened because I want to feel empty for a reason.
[Pretty dumb, I know. But it's true]
I'm afraid to love because I've seen what it can do to people.
I hate it when people have high hopes for me or say they know I can do better than that [which I can] but I end up dissapointing them because of it. If people would just not tell me anything, then I'd do better.
Some days I just feel like sitting on my hammock, listen to music, & stay there for the rest of my life until I die because I know I won't sum up to anything.
So why not spend the rest of my days doing nothing?
I often see things that aren't really there. I've only told one person that offline and he was the only one who knew how to comfort me. But now he's gone, and I've never been more afraid in my life than I am now.