Kingdom of Knuffel

I wish my friend could get over his first love instead of having to go to extremes like changing his name, his hair color and basically his whole identity. I really don't know why he doesn't keep in contact more often because he's one of the few people I still trust and it would tear me up inside to lose him..

I'm constantly in pain from where i had an Epidural that screwed up but i haven't told anyone...

Why shouldn't people talk to each other if they have the same problem.... There is still a PM ;)

Oh well >_>
Secrets... I have a lot...kinda.
I have a crush on many people, or at least I think it is to have a crush on ._." I don't really know. I live in my own world most of times, even while I am at work...talking to other people XD
No one realizes this... sometimes I think I betray my boyfriend like that... especially when I wished to be in this other world without anyone in this world...

I don't wanna have sex with my boyfriend... it sounds weird but I feel kind of disgusted... I also don't like to kiss... at least him... I know that is weird... but... it is like that... I don't know what to do about it... I just cant!!!

Sometimes I wished my sister was dead, because of her my family doesn't like me that much anymore. She told so many lies... and still... I don't want to be a person who wishes someone to die... so I just wanna get away from here... Live on my own.

I wished never to become old... I wished I could stay young forever... I am afraid because I won't be the same anymore... I wanna have fun... (and I don't party all the time ;) ) No one knows how bad I feel when I think about getting older...

I believe what my mother told me about extraterrestrial lifeforms... but sometimes I am afraid I just became insane... That I just hallucinate...

I could go on like this forever... there are million things no one knows. Behaving like everything is fine, everything is funny and that I feel good... No one really realizes that I almost flake out because I can't anymore... because I don't wanna sleep and still without any sleep I work every time just so I can study... then again... I am afraid that I wont be accepted at the university... that nothing will work out... even if it really should...

I should stop writing... as I said... it would never stop Oo man I am really weird....

im afraid that the person i love wont figure it out and will just exist in my life not knowing.....i KNOW he knows though i'm afraid that he won't figure it out untill....it's too late

I hate that my mother always assumes that I will die sooner than later, just cause of my weight. It depresses me.