Kingdom of Knuffel

Again perfect timing. I just said I think I'm going to go to bed early tonight. I'm tired. "Ding dong".... f....

Now more than 3 hours later, I'm sitting here chanting in my head... go home, please just go home. Why do you come so late? Why are you so loud and why do you just not take hints? GO HOME!

Stop squealing, stop clapping your hands together, stop whistling, stop shouting and go home.... Please? I can't say this directly to you since you will have a freak out at me. I have learned never ask you anything, never suggest anything. You are worse than a supercharged creeper. You blow up at the smallest of things.

Oh goodness sake, stop laughing and carrying on. Go home, please............. f you and your "friend".

I fucking hate you so fucking much. Last night it was anxiety and losing sleep, today I'm done with it. Fuck you. I've converted my stress into anger and I'm using it all for you, you ignorant little bitch. You're not even qualified to talk about this stuff, you barely even understand the terms you're using. Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, you miserable little idiot.

I'm not going to say anything since you felt so bad in the first place, but the wrist that got hit by that van door hurts very badly today. It is swelling and it's hard to move my pinky finger and ring finger... I know it's not broken and it will just take time for this to heal up. I don't want you to feel bad, really I don't so I'll keep it to myself.

I don't want to worry you but things haven't been earning as well from my usual clients and I'm a little bit worried about what my finances are going to look like. But yours are fucked too so I need to keep up my side of things.

I don't know what's going on inside my head.
I'm so full of anger and sadness and I just want to scream and hit things until it goes away.
I want to punch something and keep punching it until my knuckles are bruised and bloody. But I can't.

I feel completely unstable and I don't know why.

Seriously, fuck you so much. I can't fucking stomach working with you, you pathetic little woman. Pulling teeth is it? Working with you is like pulling fucking fingernails. Don't think I've forgotten about that incident in the summer and how you dealt with it. I'm still just fucking hanging on for you to get replaced because you're so fucking awful at your job. I hate you and I hope you crash your car and your house floods and you have to go get a job in a diner and someone else takes over your position. Fuck you for trying to make life difficult for me when you don't even know me.

First you stay overnight on Monday night, watching movies and all that. Nice, didn't need sleep I guess. I ended falling asleep after you left and missing my appointment by hours. I called them and rescheduled and I was surprised that they didn't get upset with me... Now last night I wasn't feeling well still, and tried to go to bed early. You showed up just as my head hit the pillow. Now I have a problem... You let my cat Danny in and was amused when another cat followed him in. Uh, not my cat, why is this cat in the house? Now Darling is following this cat around and hissing and growling at him all night long.... You stayed until after midnight, I think it was 12:30 am when you left. You left a bright light on in the hall keeping me from falling asleep. Between the light and the cats I haven't had any sleep. It's now 2:30 and I just I'm so tired that I can't sleep.

So last night not only did you come over but your friend and ex came over as well. Poor ex got attacked by the stray. It looked pretty bad as it was very swollen and I think he should have gone to the hospital as we don't know this cat, we don't know where he's been. I still don't know what to do about this little cat. He's limping, he's an attached male and he's very much pulling a Jekyll and Hyde routine. One minute he's all sweet and the next he's snarling and about to attack. I've never been afraid of a cat before, and while I'm not afraid of him I did have a few minutes where I thought of people that were attacked by cats in their sleep. I did a few please don't attack me mantras.... I just wish I could sleep. The world doesn't stop for the people that can't sleep. So in the morning I have to call the vet, see if this... cat has a microchip and if he doesn't I don't know what to do. I've posted a found cat on Kijiji. I hope someone will email me about him. I need to also look into this limp and I really want to get him neutered.

I just hope I can get him into a carrier.... I really didn't need a big vet bill for a cat I don't even know.

It jsut all feels so hopeslsl.

I'm failing one class. Every other class I have an A.

I'm freaking the fuck out. I know that I just need to get it to a C or D but I'm at 40%

Spoiler

I hate it when you do this. You try to make me feel guilty because I like to help livestream on the weekends. Why can't you understand they are my friends? I like to hang out with them. Surprised? You shouldn't be. Let me have my weekends. It's not my fault that you like to make last minute decisions about going places. If you ask me a few weeks in advance or even a few days I might say okay to your sometimes stupid ideas. But don't expect me to drop my plans all the time. Sometimes I have a dungeon planned with 3 other people. Me saying at the last minute "Oh hey guys, my sister wants to go shopping now. So bye" is irresponsible and I'm not only wrecking my own plans but the plans of others. I know they are online and therefore not as important to you. They are important to me. Picking out a sectional when I don't have the money is stupid. Wait until I have some money. Sheesh.

Guess what, you never pull off the guilt trip. XD You are pathetic, but as much as I hate you I also love you.... Even though you have never shown anything less than pure hatred towards me, you hated me when I was a kid, you hate me now. You may say that you don't but guess what it shows.

Oh and genius? I do eat veggies. I just don't like leafy greens. You stupid thing. Stop talking about me to others I don't appreciate it. Not at all. I don't do the same thing to you. I told you something once in confidence and you had spread it around. You like to pretend you don't but you do. That is why I never really talk to you anymore. Most of the time it's just "ah huh" when you call. Oh and I don't want carpet. I am paying in part for carpet I don't want. If I have to pay fully for no carpet I will. I'd rather pay to have at the least fake hardwood over carpet. But for you I will do what you want. Otherwise I'll never hear the end of it and you'll make my life a living hell.

I didn't realize that you my friend had such an impact on me in this way. A friend mentioned that he's playing Divinity. In my head I go I've never played this. I would never type it out or ever say it out loud anymore since I got snidely told that whatever game was in beta and only for those who supported the game.. blah blah blah. Wow sorry I had never heard of it. I will never make the mistake of asking about a game anymore. I'll just look it up myself later. Otherwise I run the risk of being told off for not knowing. I like games, I just wish people would realize that maybe there's thousands of games out there and guess what? Some people may not know every single stupid game out there. *gasp* Don't belittle those people. Especially when they are like me. Maybe when it was out of beta I'd like to go play it, sorry for asking about it. I know now that I'm not welcome to play it since I didn't know about it in the first place.....

Kingdom of Knuffel

Dirty Little Secrets...

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