Kingdom of Knuffel

To anyone who plans on raising a decent family, don't constantly fucking snap at children.
I grew up with my family snapping at me and people still fucking snap at me and it makes me want to never even be in the same room with them.
I can't stand bitchy motherfuckers who have sticks constantly shoved up their asses and have to make everyone else feel like shit.

I'm exhausted, I can't seem to get enough sleep. Today isn't going well for me. First the person I was helping stream ignored me while another person was talking over me all the time and I just couldn't take it today. I'm still grieving and while that isn't a license to be bitchy my emotions are all over the place. I couldn't seem to help it. I just completely went into bitch mode. So I made food, not much choice as I just don't feel up to groceries. *sniffles* Life doesn't end even though a loved one has died, fridges and cupboards empty... just can't do it. So I drop what I had just made on the floor. Prompting an immediate temper tantrum. I'm just not good for the public today. I think I should stay home. Plus as tomorrow is a holiday most places are already closed. I guess it'll be take out tomorrow.

I had a nap but it didn't help with how tired I am..... Heaven help me I'm exhausted. Then I find out that my brother in law has been snooping around and taking things. Now I feel like I need to stay home to make sure he doesn't.... What a great day. The weather matches my mood. Rain.

Just leave me the fuck alone if you don't know how to raise me. Do you know that you're actually a shitty father? No, you don't. And you'd never admit it either. I forgive you for it, but seriously, stop trying. You should stick to physics, that's your forte. BTW, I'm fucked up beyond all hope now, but my brother has a shot at being a normal person. I'm psycho now thanks to you, but he isn't. Don't take that away from him. Please. I beg you.

I used to like liquor to get me inspired
But you look so beautiful, my new supplier
I used to like smoking to stop all the thinking
But I found a different buzz
The world is a curse it’ll kill if you let it
I know they got pills that can help you forget it
They bottle it, call it medicine
But I don't need drugs
'Cause I'm already high enough..

I have trouble believing people actually care about me.
I feel like they just say they do or act like they do.
It's like "We love you!"
Me: I know 83 -doubts-
I have cared about people who didn't give a shit about me.

I also struggle with these feelings and thoughts:

"No one cares about you."
"You're nothing."
"You're no one."
"They have people they care about, they don't care about you."
"You're unimportant."
"If you died, nothing would change."
"People won't remember you."
"People only tolerate you, they don't like you."
"Who would ever love you?"

I still post and talk to people and such, but it's always there.

Believe me, if I could afford to move out I would have been long gone just so I don't have to hear you inform me how I am SO disrespectful to my mother and how I NEVER turn my fans off. pos. I'm tired of you "lecturing" (apparently he's not lecturing me) about the same shit all the time. You know why I don't say anything and stay quiet, because I am tired of telling me the same shit all the time because I'm a horrible daughter =]

He's gone.
I can't believe he's gone.
I'm heartbroken.
He was such a sweet, genuine, loving person.
I wish I could have gotten to know him better.
I only met him once. But right off the bat he welcomed me into their group with open arms. He made me feel like one of them. He made me feel like I belonged.
He sent me pictures of C when they were younger. He remembered me. He cared.
We drink out of the shot glasses he gave us in every city we visit. Every.single.one.
We were just talking about you yesterday, Spencer. And how wonderful you are. Were.
God, I miss you already. I've been crying all day.
C's a mess. I've never seen him so broken. I've never seen him so lost.
Why did you have to leave us so soon? Come back to us. We miss you.
Rest in peace, Spencer. Fly high. Give the angels hell.

I've lost too many good people this year.
Man, this year sucks...

I never thought a sunrise
Could burn more than a midnight without you
Already paying for tonight
Head spins like carousel, over and over

Blurry bodies, but you're on my mind
We let it go now I'm full of rum and regret
I go out just so I can reforget

Spoiler

Kingdom of Knuffel

Dirty Little Secrets...

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