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Re: Dirty Little Secrets...
Posted: May 14th, '17, 14:35
by Alith Anar
What the fuck is wrong with people on ebay?! How dare you accuse me of lying and being rude when I was polite and tried to explain the situation?! How dare you accuse me of overcharging when you agreed to the price and I even sent a partial refund for overpaid postage!
I'm sick of it all and I am now flat broke because sales for my business have dried up too... I just want to curl up in a ball in bed and never come out again... T_T
Re: Dirty Little Secrets...
Posted: May 14th, '17, 15:26
by jacobgrey
How could I be so stupid -____- I put so much effort into something only to fuck it up right at the end. Some day soon people will stop giving these opportunities for good.
Re: Dirty Little Secrets...
Posted: May 15th, '17, 15:13
by Alith Anar
I really don't want you taking the one day a week I get to myself off... I want to be able to have the day to try and catch up on overdue work... I'm not going to be able to do that with you around...
Re: Dirty Little Secrets...
Posted: May 15th, '17, 15:46
by Fire
It is really stressing me out that it's completely on my shoulders to get money coming in.
There. I said it.
Freelancing was YOUR idea. Web Dev was YOUR idea. I have NO IDEA what I'm doing. I went from never touching anything related to comp sci in my LIFE to having to do it for a living, all in a few months. I am grinding my ASS off. I have NO IDEA what I'm doing. I have NO IDEA how to build this. I have NO IDEA how to freelance. I have NO IDEA how to get gigs. And it'll be MONTHS before you're at the point where you can start getting contracts. And then you're just going to glide on all of my hard work and research since I can just show you how to do it, and what the best sites are, and how to format bids, and etc etc.
I'm bitter. I never wanted this. I don't even like web dev. I'm a forest ecologist with a passion for environmental science. I love trees and critters and travel, not staying cooped up inside all day working on a blinding computer under fluorescent lights. I never wanted this for myself. I dictated my entire life so that I never had to do this.
I don't work well with self-employment. My mental illnesses make setting goals and meeting them REALLY DIFFICULT without an external force. This is too much pressure.
But it doesn't matter. Because we'll run out of money before you can get contracts. And you're still wasting time on a course that we paid for that you later decided you wanted to do as a passion project, but never do for work.
I'm stressed. I'm sick. I'm emotionally unwell. And I can't focus on ME, or MY PASSIONS, or getting BETTER, because all of my energy goes to making sure we have enough money to live.
And then you get mad at me for not doing all of the reading you assign to me every day? Oh, I have to learn about stock markets, and budgets, and lifestyle changes. But don't forget that you have to completely relearn all of math from its conception! Why the hell aren't you at least at a Bachelors level in Ethics and Philosophy? I won't have a woman who can't challenge me intellectually. Why don't you know as much chemistry as me, even though I majored in it in uni and you didn't? Why don't you know everything about history? From every time period and civilization? Why don't you know politics? And current events? And economic models and theories? And space sciences? Why don't you recognize the names of all of these actors, and comedians, and past politicians, and historical figures, and the eight thousand people I've met in my lifetime that I have mentioned briefly in passing?
Why aren't you working towards your passions? Recovering all of the things you have lost due to your memory loss, so that you can pursue your Masters and PhD? I can't be with someone who isn't driven.
Why aren't you focusing on your workouts anymore? If you can't keep up, I'll leave you behind.
I understand you have social anxiety, but it I'm not surrounded by lots of different people 24/7 I go crazy. Can't you see the damage it's caused us being just us this past year?
I can't take dealing with your emotional bullshit anymore. Get better already. That's top priority. Fix you. Everything else can wait.
But it can't wait, can it? Because EVERYTHING I've listed is top priority. Everything needs to have been done yesterday. It's unacceptable that it isn't already done yet.
And then you turn to me and say "I can't believe you. If you did everything I asked of you it'd only take like 3 hours a day. You just don't care."
Don't care. Don't CARE??? I am sacrificing EVERYTHING that I have EVER wanted to make OUR lifestyle fit YOUR desires.
Yes, C. Because I can TOTALLY do it in 3 hours, when I'm ALREADY going too slow for your liking in web dev, alone, and I spent OVER EIGHT HOURS A DAY on it.
Totally. This is all my fault. Your expectations are completely reasonable. I am just failing to live up to them. My bad.
I'm so sick of this.
I want this to work. I want US to work. I love you. I can't imagine my life without your smiling face in it every day. But I am working on cutting out toxic relationships from my life. And I'm starting to wonder if you're not good for my mental health...
Re: Dirty Little Secrets...
Posted: May 17th, '17, 16:28
by Tatteredlion
Goodbye Dad, you will be missed. I just think it's odd that so many people are calling..... You just passed away last night just after 2am. First let us sleep, plus we need to go to the funeral home to plan everything and get the obituary done. Be surprised we are even home right now. (Mostly because we slept in... oops)
Re: Dirty Little Secrets...
Posted: May 17th, '17, 18:36
by jacobgrey
Just fuck all the way off. I would never so much as hear your name again if it wasn't for the money. I fucking hate you and I hope you lose your job so I can deal with someone else instead of you, you miserable excuse for a human. You act like you're in charge and you don't have a fucking clue what's going on. At this point I'm hanging around just so I can outlast you and taste the freedom when you're gone, you stupid self-righteous bitch.
Re: Dirty Little Secrets...
Posted: May 17th, '17, 21:07
by Akili Li
I know I say I love to do this? But sometimes I get sick of it, too.
Re: Dirty Little Secrets...
Posted: May 18th, '17, 00:13
by AutobotDen
I know you don't really want a relationship with me. If you did, you would go about talking to me a hell of a lot differently than you have in the past. The fact that you think it's okay to say that I don't care about anyone other than myself shows me that you were just trying to impress someone, or trying to make yourself look better than you really are. If you had taken the time to do your research, and actually look beyond the surface, you'd see just how wrong you are about me. But I suppose that's asking far too much of you.
Re: Dirty Little Secrets...
Posted: May 18th, '17, 15:27
by Tatteredlion
I honestly don't understand.... A friend of my late mother has decided that she wants to tag along for everything.... She wants us to pick her up, take her to the internment, then to the visitation and so on. She didn't even know dad that well. The funeral home isn't far from where she lives she can go there all by herself. She's older than me for heavens sake. Then we get the people who the minute they hear about the death they go... oh hey can I have these items? Seriously? You have no right to those items. None at all. How about offering condolences first. Greedy sons of.... I can't wait for all of this to be over. I know Dad messed around so much... I hope no sons or daughters come crawling out of the woodwork.....
Re: Dirty Little Secrets...
Posted: May 19th, '17, 11:42
by jacobgrey
Can everyone just lay off for a minute or two? Yeah? oh that's a no then.