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Re: Dirty Little Secrets...
Posted: Mar 14th, '17, 14:02
by Kimiko
My depression is taking a turn for the worse again... My daughter is driving me insane to the point that I don't want her to even exist anymore... I'm constantly tired and I can't get any work done like this... My orders are getting further and further behind... -_-
Re: Dirty Little Secrets...
Posted: Mar 14th, '17, 20:52
by Tatteredlion
I have to learn to let things go again. I can't keep this up, I snap over the smallest things lately. I used to be so "zen" don't sweat the small stuff kind of thing. I have to find that part of me again. It's getting so bad that I snapped at a friend who decided to argue with me over skill speed for all jobs. I was saying that this gear is nice as it's the highest level but it's not good since it takes away my skill speed which is important to my job as that brings down my casting time. He starts up saying skill speed is important to all. I agreed in a way as it's not for everyone, but I pointed out that as I cast I need that skill speed. He points out that it's not skill speed but spell speed that I need. XD No it is skill speed. Even though I cast it doesn't take mp it takes tp.... He wouldn't stop and got mad at me when I kept baiting him. I wasn't trying to but like I said I'm sweating the small stuff now and the fact that he was trying to tell me how my job works when he had no clue just peeved me off....
My sister also came over yesterday and polished off the birthday cake. Well that was for me and dad as it was our cake but she was welcome to it. Problem is she never cleans up after herself.... There was cake and icing everywhere. All over the floor, all over the counters, all over the sink even.... She's so messy. My dad is too but he has an excuse. He's partially blind and he's old. My sister is just lazy and a jerk. I always have to clean up after everyone.
Re: Dirty Little Secrets...
Posted: Mar 17th, '17, 02:00
by Tatteredlion
What am I supposed to do? You don't eat properly, you can't be trusted to take your pills, you won't use the lifeline medallion. The thing that will alert people of you falling and get you help. How can I feel like I can go back to work when you won't do these things? Especially after you fell down and couldn't get up again just today. Do you know how hard this has been on me? I know that you are giving up. Dementia is scary.... So is pneumonia, I understand that your mother (my grandmother) died from pneumonia but that doesn't mean that you will die as well. She had underlying problems... You can't just give up. I even told my sister that I think you are giving up. She's been pushing to get you into a nursing home and honestly the way you are going I'm starting to agree with her. Especially since I can't rely on my sisters to help. I know that as I've asked for help and been ignored. I don't know how much more of this I can handle. I don't get paid to be your nurse.... I have to get a job. How do I do that if you can't be left alone? 
Re: Dirty Little Secrets...
Posted: Mar 20th, '17, 03:04
by -Leo-
Spoiler
I'm tired of fighting this losing battle, always alone. Tired of living. Tired of being stuck, surrounded by my abusers. So tired.
Re: Dirty Little Secrets...
Posted: Mar 20th, '17, 05:24
by Tatteredlion
Huh... I wish my sister told me that she was going to call for an ambulance for my dad. It would have been nice to know before they showed up... I'm so tired, my cat didn't let me sleep last night. He was uncommonly whiny today too. So dad is now being taken to the hospital, while he's there I'll do his laundry. I noticed that his sheets are filthy, but that can wait until tomorrow. I sent my sister to the hospital in case they have questions. I just need to get some sleep.
Re: Dirty Little Secrets...
Posted: Mar 20th, '17, 11:05
by jacobgrey
I didn't mean for this to happen. I just needed to get paid. Screw people who think it's alright to be so hypocritical and attack someone they don't even know.
Re: Dirty Little Secrets...
Posted: Mar 21st, '17, 06:44
by -Leo-
Spoiler
I'm not your toy, some thing to play with and play your mind games on, and then toss aside when you don't need me. Then you act like you're the victim when you're the abuser. Abused turned abuser, that's you. You should know better because of your own past, but no. It's all about you, always. And I'm nothing.
Re: Dirty Little Secrets...
Posted: Mar 21st, '17, 13:51
by memoriam
I can't handle my pms. I'm too moody and emotional. I manifested it at work today, I think. Then I went to cry in the bathroom. Several times... I hate new things, I like stability. Don't push me too hard on my pms. I just can't take it. I want to toss and scream and bite and cry all at the same time. Why does the universe always push me when I'm on my pms? why the fuck? Fucking always, I mean come on, I ask one fucking month without something popping out in my face while I'm pmsing. I'm not as vulerable later, just don't do this to me on my pms.
I try hard to contain it all. I'm taking the stupid pills every freaking morning so that my hormones could take a break. But they don't seem to work this month. Maybe they didn't work the last two cycles, but I only had a smaller pms?
I'm tired of being the ugly little gremlin all the time, I need a break from myself.
Re: Dirty Little Secrets...
Posted: Mar 21st, '17, 15:27
by -Leo-
Spoiler
Those lines really shouldn't look and feel as good as they do. I know it just means I'm not seeing the ugliness and sad thing that they are, things being bit twisted in my brains when it comes to that, but it is what it is.
Re: Dirty Little Secrets...
Posted: Mar 21st, '17, 19:42
by jacobgrey
You know, it's really not fair to be victimised just for doing your job.