Kingdom of Knuffel

One of my best friends told me she's been depressed for over a year, and I didn't notice anything. I was too egocentric to imagine her having that kind of problem. And now she told me because she felt she might need professional help, and she believes that I have successfully got help for my depression. But, that is in fact a lie that I have been keeping up for over a year. So, I encouraged her to seek help, while avoiding doing it myself.

I suffered from depression throughout high school, but haven't told anyone that it never went away. In fact ever since I miscarried years ago it's been worse. Sometimes when it gets really bad and I'm driving I think about swerving into the freeway divider at top speed to kill myself. I never do it though. Too scared that I might live through it.

Well there we go anxiety over a stupid game. Having people snark about dps not knowing their rotations... I've been playing for a little over a year, I'm sorry... I'm doing the best I can. I know I'm not worthy of raids but this was duty finder normal mode... Have some patience. Plus telling me how to do my job when you don't have my job.... not cool. I do like to learn but that isn't helping.

Now I know I need to do something today and it was important. What am I forgetting?

I love my cats. One of them might be really sick. I'm nearly crazy with worry and feel like I'm going to jump out of my skin and if she is really sick and won't get better I don't know what I'll do. It'd be so devastating.

My mom was in the hospital for a month, and I didn't care. I only went to see her twice because each time I went she said something awful and made me cry. Now she's at home and I'm taking care of her and though it's terrible awful no good I still find myself thinking...why can't you just go already?

I love my cats more than my family.

Almost no one knows about the guy that I'm dating and having to keep such a big secret is eating me up inside. I want everyone to know how happy I am, but I know no one will understand.

Sometimes twitch is scary. So many guys are nice and they don't harass you just because you are a female. Others though.... I've had guys demanding horrible things from me and I don't even have a web cam. I can imagine just how bad it can get with one. I don't want to whore myself out just to get views.... Now this one guy is calling himself my hubby and wants me to share my facebook with him.
I don't want to do it at all. Maybe I'll make a "Danny Stream" account on facebook... it might work? Honestly though I wouldn't even want him on that. I can just imagine what he might do. I feel sick just thinking about it. I've even come out on stream that I'm ace. They don't care. Maybe they are under the misunderstanding that I can be "fixed". I just need a real man. pft

I'm honestly scared of this guy. It's my own fault I guess....? I kind of led him on but only in a joking way. I didn't expect it to escalate that far. At first it seemed like he just wanted to keep it to in game. I'm such an idiot. Of course a guy like that wouldn't be happy with keeping it just in game....