chibikarin wrote:My son is considered disabled and he may never be able to live on his own or have a job. I also have a sister who has a severe medical condition that prevents her from being in warm weather, stressful situations, or even drive but it's not considered a "disability" without undergoing a test that could kill her to prove it. She's stuck relying on her parents care without being about to provide any of her own support.

that sounds so wrong in many ways.
Can't they just do an evaluation of what you sister can and can't, and use that instead of a a dangerous test ?!

I've recently (as in, within the last year) been diagnosed with anxiety, moderate depression, and Autism. I've done my best to be as self-sufficient as possible, but it's hard. I'm looking into both disability and part-time jobs, but where I live, there's not a lot that I can do physically (I unknowingly messed up my back working my very first job, because of the safety equipment they required us to wear. and I have arthritic knees, despite doing my best to keep mobile and keep moving and work on my weight and stuff like that), and the jobs I can do are almost all over an hour's drive away, or are full-time (because of the aforementioned anxiety and bad back, I'm not able to sit or stand for long periods of time without being in pain and being nearly in a bad anxiety state). I live in a small town, so there's not a lot of options.

Am I lazy for needing to focus on getting my physical and mental health to a better state, and thus not being able to work as much? No. I mostly know my limits for what I can handle in both categories (The physical is more of a learning curve for me), and I know better than anyone what pushing myself too far on a good day does to me the next day.

Does it help when people try to suggest jobs to me, because they think they're being helpful? Not really. Most of the people who do the suggesting don't have anxiety or Autism, and may have less severe depression than I do, so they don't fully understand that when I say I can't do certain things, and assume it's because I'm being lazy. At this point, it's not worth the energy to try and argue with them, because they're convinced they're right and I'm not.

All I can do is try and do what I can in moderation so I can have more good days than bad ones. I'll allow myself the occasional day where I push myself, knowing that I can have the next few days to recover (example: Free Comic Book Day. I always push myself too far both physically and mentally, but I have fun doing it, and I make sure to take it easy for a few days afterward. It's a once-a-year thing, so I know I can take the chance to push myself that far, and the rest of the year, I take it a bit slower and try not to push myself too far on the good days).

Yeah, in the united states there has always been some amount of bias against disabled... My step father is a disabled veteran that was beat to death by muggers and ended up getting massive brain damage. The military wanted to treat my mother like a widow and let him die in a VA hospital. She had to fight for his right to live. I've known him my entire life, so I'll admit I judge people a certain way. If they can't 'see' his adultness and personality and only see the disability, part of me inside just goes '**** them'. My mother takes care of him every day. She has dyslexia at such a severe level that its so rare that only 10 people in the entire world had it around her level when she was a kid. I remember the stories she used to tell me of how schools assumed she was an idiot because she couldn't read, how at one point she was allowed into a special program to help her in part because of her high rated intelligence. That program helped her learn how to better function while having dyslexia, as its not something she could get rid of.

When I showed signs of having a lesser form of dyslexia, my mom ignored it. She has admitted it these days, but even when I was in high school she refused to admit it was even a possibility. Back than she was so scared for me that she thought that if she ignored it, that it didn't exist. Maybe she would have reacted better if the school system had done something to actually earn her trust. What do I mean? From Kindergarten to 6th grade I went to the same school for all but one and a half school years. They tried to teach me how to read and write in a way that is now illegal- memorization. What do I mean? They didn't teach me how to put sounds together, they just taught kids to memorize the sounds, than memorize the words. For some reason that way of teaching was just zero present effective, only learning to read in second grade when I was transferred in the middle of a school year. Whenever I asked for help in understanding school work, the teacher would say I didn't know because I hadn't been paying attention, or I wasn't trying hard enough. From Kindergarten up to my first year of high school, I was tested to see if I was insane, then tested again to see if I was below average intelligence. They would do at least a few tests every school year, never finding any issues with my intelligence or my sanity. When all this first started, I was too young to realize what was going on. By the time it was near its end, they had given me loads of feeling jaded about the world, about people in general, and an anxiety that hindered my memory. They tried to force my mom to put me on medication, but since they couldn't prove their case they never took her to court.

It was only after I entered high school that they realized the obvious, I probably inherited a form of dyslexia, I was the only one of my siblings that had shown signs of it, but... now I think its pretty obvious how they burned away any possible trust my mom may have had in them in the slightest. They had given her no reasons to trust them to treat me any better than she had been when she was a child. I wasn't banished to a corner of the room with a cone on my head like she had been... but, with all the tests and how much they wanted to drug me without any proof... than after YEARS of that, they try to take it back and pretend it never happened and it was all good? It felt like all my high school years was the school program scrambling to try to cover up all their mistakes. By the time I was old enough to realize the information should be grabbed and saved, the schools had already gotten rid of. I still wonder how many kids try their best like I did, get told they aren't trying hard enough or not paying attention, when in reality they are trying their hardest. In college I found out I needed a lot of tests for a few things, one of those things being my eyes.

I was mocked for my eyes while growing up, most assumed I was 'glaring', or it was bad attitude, a social problem, or if they found out I was part black for they would say they saw it in my eyes. I only ever had someone make that kind of connection but mean it in a positive way, but by then all the crap people had said before had ruined the compliment for me. The issue with my eyes was and is photophobia. I was born with pupils that don't react properly to light, making them sensitive to light. They basically always look dilated, causing light to be horribly painful. It had nothing to do with attitude, or how 'social' I was, but a lot of people made it out to be. I was even blamed a few times for not being able to do something because of my attitude. I thought that would end in high school, but I knew it hadn't as soon as a counselor that had me in a group rejected what I said about my eyes right in my face in front of others. According to her, I felt no horrible horrible pains, it was a lie to cover up my social issues. I knew at that moment that she could never help me with anything and all of this was just a job to help her think she was doing something so she could feel better about herself.

If I had known that the proof was LITERALLY ON MY FACE at that time, I would have pointed it out, but I didn't know that my pupils were why my eyes are sensitive. Then again I'm not a doctor, but I guess she thought she was? But the fair treatment I get at college and help I get there has shown me that my kind of story isn't unusual for people with disabilities. There's a lot of people who need help but have never been tested and either don't know where to start, or look at the bills to get tested for different things and realize that it costs a LOT and there's nothing that will cover it for you. Sometimes I wish my pupils functioned normally, or that I wouldn't think one number or word, than write out another completely different one. I feel a bit isolated from everyone around me and like there are times I do my best, but still don't end up accomplishing as much as I would like. I have more issues than those two but... this post is already long enough, I don't even remember why I replied to this thread in the first place anymore...>_< I've tried to get a job, but nobody ever takes me, so that's why I'm in college. I'm just hoping to look more desirable to hire after I get a full college education. It always feels weird when a teacher treats me like I'm intelligent, or they actually listen. I guess I'm just not used to staff at a place treating me like a person. Gods that sounds bad, I'll stop my post here.

So, earlier today, I submitted an application for disability. The process has been started, and now I need to do some footwork. This includes talking to a disability insurance lawyer, and getting an actual bank account (SSI won't accept a paypal account, from my understanding) going in my name. Then it's a matter of jumping through hoops, and hoping I don't get rejected due to being pretty able-bodied, despite the fact that depression, anxiety, and autism are supposedly covered under disability regulations...

I know how you feel e_e

Update on my situation: Talked to someone from the department that handles disability stuff, and found out that from now on, they need to talk to my SCL worker... I need to follow up with her this coming Thursday to see if they've gotten in touch with her, and if not, I'll ask her to call them to see where things are in the process. And it turns out I can use my paypal prepaid card to get SSI Disability payments, so if they ask for the information needed to do that, I have it ready to go.

Other than that, I've been going to therapy, and working on losing weight, because I was doing really well earlier this summer in that regard, and I don't want to wear size 24 just to have pants that fit over my butt.

I'm on the autism spectrum so technically I'm disabled, but I'm not on benefits or anything. I also just realized from this thread that my depression and anxiety are also disabilities???

Anyway benefits would be great; I can hardly make myself get out of the house most days, let alone find a job. I'm also pretty sure I'm not 'bad enough' to qualify for benefits, so, its a continued search for a therapist and proper medication for now :/

I did recently join a DnD group and we already met once to discuss our characters and we're meeting again this Saturday for our first session. So like, mild alleviation of depression and limited social anxiety because I already know there's something for us to talk about. But they're all men who are older than me, a person who still strongly presents as female and we're in the south so like. That sets off my anxiety a bit. But I'm going anyway because I love DnD so I consider it progress! And maybe the serotonin I'll get from sessions will balance with my current meds and I'll actually get a bit better without new meds. Who knows.

Fingers crossed that one of the guys there will be able to put in a word for me so I can finally get a job.

I hate the system that says that since I'm able to walk for short distances, and can have fun when I'm on vacation, I must not be disabled.