Kingdom of Knuffel

Just want to vent a little.

My grandfather is back in the hospital again. He was there earlier in the week, was home for exactly one day, and now he's back again.
I'm staying with my grandmother who keeps having panic attacks.

I'm so tired.
And worried.

I feel sick to my stomach and haven't been able to eat anything all day today.

I don't care how old he is, I want him to stay healthy and keep living for several more years!!

I'm in one of the lowest moods I've ever been in, and while I'm on a waiting list for some therapy, I just feel like I don't know what to do... or why I can't seem to function like a normal adult.

I wanted to maybe talk to a doctor about getting antidepressants but that scares me too.

I just want my house clean, and to be able to work properly without staring at my workload overwhelmed and frightened of repercussions.

Szlag mnie trafia i krew zalewa, takiego wkurwienia dawno nie czułam, aż nie mogę się wkurwiać po angielsku. Myślałam, że robienie strony będzie prostsze. Miało być gładko, przyjemnie, ciekawie, a wyszło tak, że nie wyszło, nie wychodzi, gubię się w tym cholernym wordpressie, każdy motyw inaczej działa, można dostać kręćka i kociokwiku i pierdolca też. I na domiar złego nic mnie nie rozładowuje ani nie uspokaja. Jprdl.

4 weeks until I'll know if I'm moving again. I'm so used to it at this point... 10 years... 10 locations. We finally bought a house, and I can finally walk into each room knowing it is my own... and now we may have to go and live somewhere else for a bit. I'm excited for my husband's chance of getting a promotion, and he seems so gun hoe against going, but it is a fuck ton of money and a great opportunity. And my father has always said - Go where the money is.

For once, should I put resting before money?

I just want a day to myself PLEASE

No work, no social engagements, nothing - just let me recharge and spend some time alone

How hard is it to find Peanuts WITHOUT SEA SALT?? Buying unsalted is not the same. I understand that sea salt is supposed to be better for you, but some of us are sensitive and cannot eat it.

Oh my god do people no longer understand the idea of "quiet in the library"

Spent half a day in the library to work. The entire time there are kids screaming, people talking loudly on their phones, and someone was even watching videos on their laptop without headphones ...

Makes me sad and frustrated, honestly D:

Welp.
It's official.
No more hospital visits for my grandfather, because they have officially said there is no longer anything they can do for him.
Doctors say, if we're LUCKY we might have another couple of weeks.
Probably days.
This is the worst part about having a great family -when I have to start saying goodbye to them.
Ugggggghhhhh.
Stupid crying jags.
Stupid lack of immortality.
I'm NOT READY!!!!!!

I'm bored so much that I'm posting here to complain how bored I am even though I could be doing A LOT butI'm either too lazy, uninspired or idk what. I'm supposed to be resting from last week's work, but it is hard because my brain can't think of a thing to do for fun. Am I that addicted to being stressed about work? Who knows? It's not even a hard work, it's just posting stuff on the internet. It's not supposed to be hard.

Okay really venting a bit here I'm so stressed D:

I can't wait for this week to be over (even though there are only like two days left). Semester end has made me so tired, I've been turning down students left and right who's asking for last minute help because I just can't D: and tonight I have to play negotiator between a student, her overbearing parent, and incompetent uni advisor (like wtf is that person even doing other than adding confusion to the work??)... Tmr I have to help a student with a uni level final essay... Saturday I have a trial class with an adult student which never fails to stress me out @_@

On top of all that my driving exam is on Monday which is just wonderful...

Oh and there's therapy too, when will I be done with processing these years of emotional trauma, I just want to be done and not discover new fucked up parts each session QAQ

It's a rough week. QAQ Thank goodness for KofK