Kingdom of Knuffel

Thanks, let's hope we stick to it ^^

How are you doing?

I'm okay ... bit of a rough day today. Definitely feeling the effects of the lower doses of medication... not doing as well as I would like with quitting smoking but I am trying really hard. Taking it day by day. How are things with you?

Sorry you're not feeling the best. Quitting smoking is hard, take your time.

I'm okay, I think I got over the drama with Ash. Not exactly super happy about it, but I just gotta deal with it. He's pretty busy with work now so I don't think he's thinking about that counselling yet. But generally speaking I'm fine. Had some drama with dad over the weekend but I think it's cool now.

I hope he does eventually do some counselling, even if just to help him understand himself better...

I've had some bad news. I found out a few weeks ago I was pregnant. That's a good thing. However, I've had some blood work done to monitor levels of HCG, the pregnancy hormone, and it's not looking good at all. The levels of HCG should go up rapidly every couple days, and mine is going down steadily. The doctor said this will result in a miscarriage. I will have to go get an ultrasound in a few days to see what's in there, because I haven't had any bleeding or reason to believe I would miscarry ... but my doctor seemed very sure this is not a successful pregnancy. I might have to get a D & C. I would have been 2 months pregnant in a couple days.

I'm pretty upset ... can't stop crying and feeling like this is somehow my fault. Jay is so supportive and I know he is sad too but trying to be strong for me.

I have never gone through something like this before.

I'm so sorry to hear about it! I can't imagine how hard it must be, I'm truly sorry you're going through this

So there's little to no chance that the ultrasound will show the fetus is fine? This is so heartbreaking... I'll pray for the three of you to whatever good forces out there. I can't express how sorry I am. It's weird that there have been no signs that would indicate you'll be going through a miscarriage. Maybe it's just a little scare from the universe and everything will be fine...

I'm sending you all warm and positive thoughts. I wish I could hug you physically.

I'm glad Jay is supportive

Feel free to post any updates, but I'll understand if you wouldn't want to. Stay strong

Well, it's not looking good. I started bleeding today. The doctor said to still go for the ultrasound on the 13th which I guess will determine if I will need a D & C or not ... I was hoping for a miracle but nope.

I really appreciate your kind words. I am using KofK and other online stuff to distract myself and I have an appointment with a psychiatrist next week.

Blah.

I'm terribly sorry, Nikki

Is the bleeding bad?
Can't blame you for distracting yourself that way and feeling blah. I really hope your appointments go well. Maybe you won't have to go through the D&C at least...
Don't break, girl, it will get better

memoriam wrote:I'm terribly sorry, Nikki Is the bleeding bad?
Can't blame you for distracting yourself that way and feeling blah. I really hope your appointments go well. Maybe you won't have to go through the D&C at least...
Don't break, girl, it will get better

Thank you so much

It was a lot heavier yesterday, seems to have slowed down a bit today ...

Really hoping I do not have to go through with the D & C.

Ultra sound this afternoon...

That doesn't sound as bad, not counting the emotional part. I'm crossing my fingers for you

Well, I have to get yet another ultrasound now to see if I have to get the D & C because the OBGYN seems to think I have passed everything now but wants to be sure. Also have to get blood tests because he thinks my iron may be low from losing so much blood. (It's still happening, off and on, but apparently that is normal...)

I'm going to see my family doctor next week and ask her to extend my medical leave ... I'm not ready to go back to work yet especially with the recent stuff I've been dealing with.

OH! Also had a very interesting meeting with a psychiatrist set up through my work benefits, and she told me about "reproductive psychiatry" and said she is going to ask my family doc to refer me to someone who specializes in that, as she thinks my reduction in medication levels could be really bad for my health and it might actually be better for me to be on my normal dose when I do become pregnant again. I was actually quite shocked to hear that because I had heard different from family doc, BUT family doc does not specialize in reproductive psychiatry. Looking forward to meeting with whoever it is and seeing what they have to say.

Kingdom of Knuffel

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