That's such a pity, DK v_v
So many sad things happen to you, damn it.


I am of the opinion having a tribe of sorts is something important for everyone.
I don't have one myself, but for more simple reasons: I've moved too many times, and I'm not an extroverted person, so I don't really create social networks easily in any of the places I've been.
Now I'm working hard to make a friend I can hangout with, but it's not easy with our schedules.

Well, I see it as, "It could have been worse." I'm lucky mom left my father, and that I got a good foster family, and that mom got me back and did her best for me.


Humans are supposedly social creatures and most of the time they do, do better with a village or tribe as you put it.

I.. don't like being around people physically. I'm completely alright with it being over the internet, but physically no thanks.
I can't stand people in my apartment, even when it's clean. When people came to visit mom, I had to be there making sure they weren't doing anything weird or bad.. then and now when people come visit me, I start thinking "When are you leaving? Leave already please?"
Once had a friend come stay for 2 weeks.. I was done with in the first week...
then a few years back 2 friends visited for a day around xmas.. I barely spoke and wanted them to leave with in an hour of their visit. >A< I felt so bad...

I can chat up a storm on discord.. but face to face... I'll either ramble unintelligently, or not talk at all...

If I'm over at someone else's place, about 10 minutes in, I'm coming up with an excuse on why i need to go back home.

My village will have to be a virtual one. =w=

I don't do well socially. >A<

Nowadays we can have an online society, so I guess it's lucky you were born now and not two hundreds years ago
I'm more physical though, I need seeing people face to face, and even hug them sometimes!

I can't stand hugs..
Mom hated that about me. >A<


like.. I LOVE virtual hugs o3o
but physical ones, no. Dx

I use to believe that I'd LOVE to cuddle.. nope.. o3o turns out I hate it. xD
Hate kisses too.. o3o



ugh. =3= just caught Kuromi peeing in my one clothes basket.. the stuff in there were technically worn, but its the stuff I only wear when I go out, so it was still good to wear... And I have my first therapy appointment later today and NO baking soda or white vinegar to help me was these! D:<

Good thing I have another set of pants in the clean basket, and I just checked to make sure she didn't go in there..

I just cleaned the litter box too.. it uses a type of litter that only needs changed once a week so its not time for cleaning... =3= unless the cats had a potty party. Maybe Sebas tried to play attack her while she was trying to go.. =3= I'll change the litter anyway just in case... this pisses me off tho >:x

So i heard my employer speaking the uniform cleaners to not come next week. 8u so its possible that i might have work next week and that the company holiday isn’t JUST for the production side…8u

But here’s hoping! *crosses fingers*

-sends hotarla lots of luck wishes- o3o


I'm getting ready to leave for my first therapy appointment... x-x could barely sleep last night because of the anxiety... my brain was spinning on what I was gonna say, how I was gonna say it... but even though I think of things like that, it never ends up that way.. x-x I always close in on myself and barely speak.. or just not what I planned on talking about. x-x uuuugh


where are my headphones QnQ

Yess wish me luck lol. Hopefully i have no work next week, hahaha.

I always have several headphones lol. XD;; cuz i either lose or just forget them somewhere. Might as well just keep a pair in every bag i own that i normally use. XD;;

I coulda swore I had a spare pair in my bag, but they weren't there! >:x
Well they're there now.. whether they work or not, I dunno

I should get a new pair of Kinivo's mine aren't holding a charge as long as they use to and the ear pieces are coming apart.. and having a new set gives me the old set as a spare.. o3o



So. Therapy went well.. I like her I guess.

We talked..
She is positive I do have:
Anxiety Disorders
ADHD
PTSD
Agoraphobic
and some Depression but its situational
and I am classified as Suicidal because of my attempts as a teen and the fact that while I may now wish to hurt myself, I do wish for death on occasion.

I MAY be autistic o3o that's new... This is something that she can't diagnose right away, so its a maybe.

I DON'T have Bi-Polar Disorder! Yay! I was always kinda worried about that.. though I may show signs later so it's not absolute. She did a questionair, and normally 7 boxes ticked yes would be a Bi-Polar thing to look into, i ticked 3 and those three also stem from Anxiety, Autisim, and ADHD.

Apparently my ADHD could be contributing to my Anxiety oAo


o3o I just gotta get into a schedule of taking meds daily.. I'm sooo gonna screw tht up. >A<


Anyway, I mentioned my family doctor, and she said "yes.. you need to switch.." and then I mentioned that my Counselor said Ms therapist also did family practice (she's a RN Nurse person, not an actual doctor, she's the med pusher) and she said how she's leaning more therapy these days which gave me hope.
I said: I ask because I have ulterior motives... I heard you did the medical practice in the morning... and I prefer morning appointments. xD So she'll be my nurse person and we'll get me a new family doctor through them eventually, but as of today I am no longer gonna be that jerks patient. >:x

And then we got into talking about the meds again... I did ask for 'as needed' type.. there ARE those but she recommends the everyday type.. so I asked:
If I said I'd try these JUST so it gets put on official medical records for SSI, and then if they work to the point I'm alright continuing them, I will, but if I hate them I stop? But it's mainly for SSI...

She said it was fine. o3o

Yea, I like her.

Oh! Because of what I told her about my current family doctor, she said that, because of how he doesn't seem to pay any attention to my issues and complaints and how he see's disabilities as "excuses" ... she wouldn't even bother requesting my medical records from him. She'd start from scratch.


So, my next appointment with her is scheduled as "Medical" so i can get in, in the mornings >:D muwahahaha she totally worked with me on that!

I go out to wait for the taxi and my left knee gave out on me! D8

I was leaning up against the wall, but still had weight on my legs, and i tilted sided ways and a slight pain went up my leg! D8 my knee gave out! The wall, and my other leg helped me keep from falling over. >A< it scared me tho

I hope so.

Not long after posting that, my Lawyers called... like they're psychic or something... =/ They wanted some updates on my condition and I let them know that I was seeing my new therapist, she's putting me on something, (don't remember the name of it now..), and that I'm officially switching to that place's family doctors as my doctor SUX!!!!!!!!!

I almost didn't answer the call because of how creepy it was that they called today.