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I'm so confused, scared, and anxious. What am I doing with my life? What am I going to do? Am I making a difference in the world...even just a little? Am I cut out to be what I need to be?
What should I be? Philosopher, teacher, criminalist, psychologist, artist,...writer? My book is my heart put to paper and I've been told it should be published. But am I good enough to make it as a writer?
Why don't I feel a sense of accomplishment when I've completed anything? Everyone else seems to find some kind of relief when things get done. Why don't I? All I want to do is escape the monotony of everyday life. Escape into the world within my mind. There are no barriers there and emotions, thoughts, and imagination flow beautifully with intensity and freedom.*Sigh* how I wish it were reality.
You told me you love me. That you're my friend. So, why is it that my problems don't seem to matter? Why are my pains, struggles, and discomfort overlooked by you? You don't even listen when I talk. It hurts. It hurts so much. You're one of my closest friends and I love you dearly. But, you only want to be heard. I know that you need me for support. We both know that most people aren't patient, understanding, and nonjudgmental. I can be that for you, if you want. I love to see you laugh and loath to see you cry. But, please. I'm begging you. I need the same thing. I need to know you're here for me...that you really do love me. I'm hurting and I just want you to notice.
Thank you, my Lord for keeping me alive. How many times have you saved me? How many times have I disappointed you? I do love you, Jesus. With all of my heart, but I'm scared and sinking deeper into despair. Please, Lord Jesus, save me once more. For I fear my life is coming to a close.
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