It's not a bad secret, but I think I'm in love. Like, I can't tell what real love is supposed to feel like, and I am afraid of scaring him off, but I think this is love because the high of the initial crush has worn off for a month or two, yet I still want to be with him. I don't know what real love is. Maybe there's no single level. Maybe it has a variety of depths. I love most people in a platonic way, but with him, it's so... different. Like, I love him like I love everyone else, but I want him more. I want to hold him, I want to be with him, I want to kiss him... And while I haven't said the word "love" around him, we've confessed that we both like each other. And it makes me so dang happy. Is it love? Again, I don't know. But it is a strong emotion and it's been going on for a long time.
I'm so happy. Even if it's not perfect. And it's not "perfect" in every way. We live far from each other, we haven't decided if we're in a relationship, and there are some personality conflicts, but honestly? I am willing to be patient, no one gets along all the time, and I'd gladly move to him. I want to be with him, and I decided months ago that I'm moving in a few years, whether it's to him or somewhere else. I just don't want to live in the same place that I currently do. I'm not moving because of him. I'm moving because I don't want to feel stuck in the same town as my family. I don't like playing family politics with them, and I'm only waiting for my little sister to turn 18. Maybe not even that long. She's my favorite person ever, and she's very supportive. She might encourage me to go sooner. But even if she wants me to stay, it'll be okay. I'll figure it out.
But yeah, I think I'm in love. Even if I'm not, I feel very happy and content and joyous. And I really want to be with him.
(Please don't respond, as I am not looking for advice. I just wanted to write it out)
(0) (0) |
|